Goal of the day: 368 words. Written: 556.
A few days ago I received a letter. Below is our correspondence (censored, name changed):
Hi. I would like to give up wine, champagne, etc. I would like to eat healthier, because lately it's just pizza. Maybe then the weight would come back. Get rid of the anger around me. How much I want everything. Sincerely, Kamilė
I replied to Camille:
So far you've only listed two things, Camille! 🙂
What's stopping you from giving up wine and champagne? Doesn't it force the bottles to open themselves and pour into glasses that... Well, you can't pour it down the sink - it costs money, so you should... Mmm! Mmm! And now that I've opened the bottle, maybe I should have another one?
...OK, I'm joking a bit. I understand that it can be difficult to give up alcohol. So tell me - what exactly is the problem? Do you see any one problem that makes you drink?
(And can't wine be linked to anger at others?)
After a while, she replied:
Well, I don't even know. I work during the day - it's ok. But in the evening, to fall asleep faster or just out of stupidity, I need a glass... I only want it in the evening. Maybe it's something to do with anger.
And I replied to that:
Okay, of course, of course!
Do you read English? One of my personal heroes, Leo Babauta, just threw the evening wine glass out of his routine a few years ago. He was drinking with his wife because, like you, he wanted to relax. What were his lessons?
Well, you can read more Zenhabits, in articles such as This and This. However, I can advise on what has worked best for me:
1. Remember, you will not be empty. You will never be able to "kick the habit" and replace it with nothing do not add. Because you'll still put something in - if not a better habit, then something worse. Or you will never change anything, because the vacuum created by throwing out a habit will immediately invite old habits back.
Therefore: change bad habits for better ones. For example, you say that it is difficult to calm down and drink because of a) a habit of drinking something; b) to fall asleep. So why not try some calming tea, even if it is melissa or mint? Or maybe hot drinks in bed are neither this nor that for you? What if you had a smoothie or a fruit cocktail? Personally, I'd be happy to have a milkshake before bed if I'm too lazy to make one. :))
Replace negative and unpleasant habits with more pleasant and fun ones. For you, personally. Don't leave a vacuum, because it will bring back old habits. (As an example of this habit vacuum, think of your teenage loves and break-ups. Ugh.)
2. Don't change your whole life. Just give it a try. Try it. A little - like Audrius the Cloudcuckoolander. And set yourself a calendar-based goal. For example, for 30 days from the day you agreed (today), you will NOT drink wine every day and instead drink something healthier or eat a tasty pastry or... Then, every day, you'll write down a day that was a success. If you try to change your whole life, you won't succeed - you'll get tired, you'll get tired, the goal will seem so pointless and so far away...
Similar to saving money for retirement. Jesus Mary, maybe it's better not to save and use that money today? Well, go ahead!
Therefore: Change one of your weeks. Two. A month. Have you noticed how I challenge myself? They're all about a month long, the longest ones are a year long, but these year-long ones I only started after 3 years of smaller experiments. It is better to cross off after 1/30 of a goal than after 1/9000. With a smaller goal, you'll feel more pleasure in not stopping (!!!), you'll see your progress up close and also... You won't even notice if during those days a new, substitute habit becomes a new habit instead of wine.
Bam.
I hope you will take my advice and not waste it, because I have just written a lot for you.
As for the stress - yeah, heh, heh. Let it rest for now. Let's focus on what we can change - OK? And, maybe, little by little, you'll see that you don't have anything to be angry about, you'll see that focusing on growing yourself makes you a new person!
How - does that sound good?
smiling,
Daniel