We all do it. We live a life of a million choices. And we hope that if we play it right maybe we'll win the jackpot at the end of life. We listen to the voice of the heart, what we should do.
And even more often we listen to what others tell us.
...But here's the problem: we do it all too often.
Too often we put the reins of our lives in other hands and succumb to the rules set by others, unpleasant boundaries and who knows what other obstacles.
Eventually, our whole life turns into one big "Tell me what to do" fiesta.
Do these pants fit me? And what will the people around me say if I quit my job at the bank to work in a kindergarten? What if someone doesn't like my hair color? And how will my co-workers react if I quit smoking with them?
And it's unpleasant. It's tiring. It makes us slaves to opinions. Just writing this paragraph is giving me a headache. 1
This has to stop. We must learn to stand on our feet, shake off the dust and tell the world "No, no more." And thus find the happiness in life that we have always been looking for.
But let me give the word to the cloud girl first Next to Misevičiūtė, who will tell about the topic of this article from her side with the book "F**k it". The Ideal Spiritual Path' review.
Warning: Don't worry, this is just the first part of the article. I will be back in the second half. I pass the microphone to Greta.
How to become happy by saying "shit"?
Let me guess. You want:
- Achieve big wins in ten areas at once?
- Engage in meaningful and well-paying activities that lead to a carefree life?
- Have a beautiful and strong body?
- Become a calculated person who knows at least several areas?
- And you probably want to live a relaxed, peaceful life, and at the same time experience adventures, see the whole world, but not spend your entire salary on plane tickets?
Of course you want to.
And how do I know that?
Well, I was looking for how to achieve it myself. Then I found John C. Parkin's groundbreaking book, F**k it. The ideal spiritual path." 2 And I realized that the thoughts that revolve in me are nurtured in others as well.
I want all that too. And when I don't get it, I feel lazy, idle, egoist who doesn't do anything.
However, this book changed my perspective drastically. While reading the book, I got chills and excitement more than once. The kind of excitement that comes with moments of truth or when you're afraid of something, but knowing that things will get better in the future. As I read, I felt myself changing for the better.
Just for one new thought.
"To say 'go to hell' is very spiritual." - Pastor M. Tansendas, author of the book "Diary of a Heretic"
When you say "go f*ck" you put your "need", "want" and "must" in place and remind yourself that "It's just life" (in the words of one song). And you understand that first I want, and only then I do.
Pastor Mark Tansend then added, “Well, damn it, enough of my talking. Get comfortable and prepare to never be the same again."
A short example: How does it work?
Do you often wonder why you ate two pieces of chocolate cake (with ice cream!) when you can't eat sweets at all?
Then say "damn those restrictions". And eat as much as you can. Eat enough, overeat and see what happens. 3
And it will happen like this: Eventually, all the sweets will choke you and you will naturally switch to porridges, soups, fruits, salads, vegetable stews and cottage cheese. Or whatever you want, but definitely not chocolate cakes with ice cream, which will make you sick and hunger will not decrease.
In other words, excess will show you that excess is bad.
After all, trying to limit, giving up, reducing the portions of delicacies will only give more importance to everything. And you will only encourage yourself to think about food and calories even more. Although, it seems that you would like to think about clothes in a smaller size!
Lack and deprivation will only deepen the problem and give your temptations more meaning, value and pleasure to crime. Nothing good.
So what to do?
Say "fuck it" (or "damn it", "I spit it out" or whatever is acceptable to you) for self-restraint, restraint and self-exhaustion. Because there is one truth:
"You only get what you want when you lose the desire to get it."
Living simply, without multiplying anything and without caring, you will not even notice how your excess weight will disappear somewhere. And a new activity will appear in your life:
- You will start attending dance lessons (what's in fashion now);
- You will become a volunteer (also fashionable);
- You will meet a special person, and not with food, but with acquaintances, you will be satisfied (these things have never gone out of fashion anyway).
Let me give you some more examples.
A) Too lazy to move and do sports?
Well, don't move. Say: "To hell with all that nonsense, I won't do anything." And don't do it.
Pay the neighbor's kid to walk your dog. Meanwhile, lie on the couch and watch a movie, read a book, or do neither. Wait for the internal push to come.
And you won't even notice how you start doing something. Maybe you'll even go for a walk around the house or a walk in the park, because walking is better than lying on a bored couch.
Yesterday, I put off moving until 10 pm... And then I said "No, I can't anymore!", I stood up, left the computer and voluntarily started exercising.
And with such energy and passion that it was hard to believe at first!
And the next day, what's most interesting, that amazingly good energy captured inside encouraged me to repeat the body program. I just couldn't sit still and leave my bones alone!
Among other things, when it comes to exercise programs, I highly recommend Cassey. 4 I absolutely love it, and I guess you guys will be interested in trying it out too. See how tough you are and if you can beat Cassey.
B) Don't want to go to work?
Say "damn him", call in sick, buy some wine (or delicious ice cream), stay out of bed and pretend to cry. Check your limits, how long you can stay out of it.
Because it is possible that during the "sick" week:
- You will realize that you still miss your work, colleagues and even clients;
- Or it will turn out that you'd rather rot in bed than go back to that black hole;
- Or it will happen that you really like to stay out of bed and enjoy wine (or ice cream) and accidentally write the next global bestseller. It would be fun, wouldn't it? 5
The author of a book about work and leaving it notes that the most common response people hear about this huge life activity is "Well, I'm not sure what I want to do yet...".
But such an answer really means a gut feeling that "I don't know myself well, but I feel that something is wrong."
Sifting through your desires can be difficult, but when you say "hell," misunderstandings, haste, tension, blind desires, and general panic cease to exist. And at the same time the interference stops.
"Say 'fuck it' and find the courage to catch yourself." - Author of the book
The author of the book adds: "I guess your predicament is no different from the ones we all have to face: there are many forces working and competing within us that we are sometimes unable to resist."
And continues the thought:
"However, in our society, everything is speeding up, there is no more time to think - it is necessary to do. Therefore, you need to learn to say "hell" sometimes and figure out what you really want."
It's not worth trying to turn life into a success story.
Because life takes full responsibility for us. After all, it is not up to us where, when and what time we are born, what the weather will be like tomorrow, what we will meet unexpectedly today and how it will change our further lives.
We can dream one thing, but it can all turn out to be something else.
For example, a neighbor's child will offer to walk the puppy for you, and family members will completely forget your birthday. And what are you into it? Traveling back in a time machine and changing the past? Or will you worry and dwell on something that cannot be changed? 6
No. It's better to say "fuck it", "that's enough" or "shit". And accept life as it is. Discovering the life we have but can't see.
"Let go of the wheel of life and see what happens. And to make life even more interesting, push the speed limit all the way down." - Author of the book
You can cry and hate yourself for many things, constantly judge yourself, get angry for wrong actions...
Arbaaaa - you can say "fuck you" to your fear, your self-defamation, your ignorance, your laziness and your lack of motivation. Then you will be relieved, and you can continue to live your imperfectly perfect life in peace.
It's your choice.
Daniel: Thanks, Greta! I'll take over from here. 🙂
So we should learn to tell the world "I'm sorry" and forgive it for its troubles.
(Yes, I know that the phrase with a "b" sounds better than Greta's "go sh*kt". But I put the b*b - that's how I talk. And if you don't like this phrase - you'll soon understand why it's even better).
News: The world is cruel.
Get over it. And learn to live with the world.
Well, there are various troubles in life: when you go to the seaside for the weekend it starts to rain, at the lake you realize that your inflatable boat is broken, and when you are sitting at home - that you missed some fun event in the city.
So what are you doing?
Are you fighting? Do you blame Naglis Šulijas for not reporting that it will rain, even though it is coded twice in his name? Blaming others for rushing because you took the boat and not the duct tape? In general, you always blame the environment, and you poop and slap yourself? 7
Well, you shouldn't. It's not healthy.
- You shouldn't just make excuses.
- It is not a good idea to judge everything and compare when it will be "better".
- And even more so for you you should not expect things from the world and people around you without accepting everything as it really is.
That's not damn healthy.
It's healthier to learn to say "I fucked up" sometimes, or whatever is acceptable to you... And after forgiving the environment for its faults, accept it as it is.
"As we also forgive our trespassers." - Prayer "Our Father", verse 8.
But let me give you a few more examples that Greta didn't mention where a simple "b*b" can change your life for the better. And hundreds of times happier.
C) In relationships with other people.
Here, this philosophy applies to relationships. And I know you care; more or less a fifth of the citizens of Debesy, who answer the question of what is the biggest problem that afflicts them, mention relationships with other people. 😉
So, imagine that you got into an argument with some kind of rude, unpleasant and unfriendly person. Maybe even a relative or (it seems) loved one.
Yes, you can argue and prove your truths. You can try, pull your hair out of your head, prove that you are right, and the "sinner" in front of you is wrong...
...Or you can say it like this, hmm... Young man.
And forgive. Give the fool a way.
You can be angry. Or you can forgive. Spit on other people's quarrels, anger, and maybe even try understand their point of view and learn to live more peacefully. In the end, you might even realize that it was you who caused the quarrel.
You can be angry that your girlfriend (or boyfriend) left you, stole you, or even locked horns with some sexy Jew from Tel Aviv... Or you can say "fuck it, this is too much" and finally be happy, that you didn't waste your whole life with the wrong person.
It is likely that she will apologize in 2 years, and you will have forgiven everything! By the way, the last story happened in my life. I could tell something was wrong when she said after a long silence, "Daniel, I have something to confess to you."
D) Choosing your life path and vocation.
In the same way, it is possible to listen to the suggestions of other, maybe even completely ignorant, people and live the lives they suggest. To listen to grandparents, parents, ugly grandma's neighbor, teachers at school or passers-by on the street.
After all, here in Lithuania, some actors like to put others down and make their pessimistic forecasts...
...Or you can say "I gave a fuck about your opinion" and still do what you want. Spit on depressing comments and prove that what you want to do can be done.
Because the world will not remember people who are afraid of their own dreams.
E) Doing hateful (or unimportant) jobs.
I've never understood why some people try to do things they hate perfectly. 8 And if you don't do it, you get nervous.
You know the people and jobs I'm talking about. These are:
- Trying to get top ten in math or some godforsaken Russian language at school, even though your average is already the highest in the class.
- Crying after getting a 99 instead of a 100 in your Abitura exams, which will definitely change the rest of your life and the whole world. 9
- The hassle of perfectly wrapping a Christmas present for mom or grandparents, even though what's inside the package (or the words when giving it) is more important than the color of the wrapping paper.
- Or wasting half an hour writing a letter to your boss that the toilets are out of toilet paper after a thunderstorm. 10
Answer honestly - what the hell is trying to do SUCH work perfectly?
Is it to satisfy some evaluators who at the end of life (and perhaps at Christmas) divide all boys and girls into "good job" and "bad job"?
...Please spare yourself and don't do this.
Because believe me, if I had tried to perfectly plot and calculate my course projects (or my bachelor's thesis), I would not have finally finished my four-year epic.
How many times in my four years do you think I've said "fuck it"? Hint: In almost every job. And I received a diploma with a 9th grade. 11
"20 percent 80 percent of work is created. values." - The Pareto principle
Instead of trying to do the job perfectly (or worse, you would be afraid to make a mistake and not even start), better listen Pareto principle. And more often, allow yourself to say "oh shit, it's going to happen".
Because wasting energy on worthless works is foolishness and it's time to stop thinking that only perfect works achieve the goal.
(If Apple phones, BMW cars, or Snowflake refrigerators were perfect, would we still get updates and fixes? Even though they have their flaws, they're still some of the best in the world.)
A few frequently asked questions and honest answers to them.
1) But doesn't this approach to life and philosophy make us indifferent monsters who spit on everything?
Short answer: it doesn't. Because did you read the title of the article? I mention "more often" in it, not "always".
And that makes all the difference. Compare:
A) A life where you don't care about anything.
Where you lie in your bed drunk and make-up and don't want anything from life, except to occasionally pet your children, drink "real men's beer", fix your wife/husband, show your love for Putin in Delphi and vote for the labor party because you will get 10 euros.
B) A life where you care about everything except what doesn't matter.
This is a life where you can pay attention to the sour milk in the fridge and the idiot from option one... But you choose not to. And important things - love, respect, your family - remain the most important part of life.
It's the difference between complete indifference, which is terrible, and living with one another "so to hell," which allows you to select the most important parts of life from the completely, utterly unimportant.
2) But should such phrases be repeated in all cases of life? What will happen if I do this?
No, it shouldn't. But you should naturally feel it.
Because each of us has principles that are important to us... And principles that are important only because they are important to those around us. Or it doesn't matter to anyone at all, but no one dared to check it.
It would not be appropriate to send everything by wind, because if you send everything - then what will you have in your hands? Indifference?
The essence of the principle of "Well, it goes shit" is not to become indifferent. Its essence is to set boundaries for things that are completely unimportant to you. Expand your boundaries and become freer, happier and simpler.
And you really don't want to become an indifferent chronic or drug addict.
3) And then what is the point of trying, creating something and living, if you can simply take and throw everything to hell?
And the meaning remains to enjoy your life. YOUR life.
Because tell me frankly - do you live to conform to the unpopular opinions, beliefs and rules of those around you? Or that you cry over the smallest details? Because you would sit and be afraid to raise any for yourself crazy challenge?
I hope not.
Because if you believe that life is for us to struggle, cry or give in to our own and others' wishes and limits... Then please turn off this page right now and never come back. Because such people are not welcome here. 🙂
4) And if I'm very ugly to say that word from the letter "b" or just... Well, I don't have anything to say? What to say then?
Then say what is acceptable to you. There is no hard and fast rule here, as it is just a principle. Here are some options:
- It's going to hell;
- Well, to hell with it;
- I put the b*b;
- Let it be;
- Oh shit;
- Well, that's it;
- I spat;
- Well, it goes naaa-mo.
Or you can take a deep breath, hold your breath for a few moments, and then slowly exhale. Then forget your troubles and gather all the courage to do what you wanted to do before.
6) What if it is difficult for me to tell a close person that I have heard their opinion, but I am not going to pay attention to it? What if I've never dared to fight for my dreams, but I'd like to start?
Then it's time to learn a new way of life. Close your eyes, inhale and exhale. Then spit on everything and take the first step.
Because if it's difficult for you, don't try to open up completely. My God, it's like learning to swim - don't try to dive in head first. Better just stick one little toe in. And see what happens.
I guarantee nothing bad will happen to you in the end.
You will not be eaten alive, no one will kill you with an ax (and if they do, stop reading this text and call 112 as soon as possible). Yes, maybe a little annoyed that you suddenly dared not be a node anymore...
...However, next time you won't need to repeat your approach, because nothing will stop you anymore. You will gradually learn how to dive.
7) And what will happen if everyone starts talking, living and doing so easily? What will happen to the world then?
Then the world will be wonderful.
There will be no more anger that the cashier forgot to return the penny. Nobody will spoil the mood for others and yourself if sausages burn on the fire. You will be able to pursue your dreams. And everyone will live happily ever after.
Because the less you pay attention to insignificant things, the less you bring up your anger and intolerance, the better off you will be. And it will be better for everyone around you.
And I honestly say - I would really like it if we, Lithuanians, learned to let everything down more often. And live in the peaceful land of Mary.
“When we focus too much on the small things in life, the small things begin to rule us.” - Mark Manson, author of the Self-Development Blog
And that's exactly why we should learn to say "b*b" more often. Because it will make our lives better, happier, and otherwise more wonderful.
Saying "I'm sorry" can sometimes be the best we can do.
Well, today's question for you... What thing has made you anxious, angry, nervous and worried lately? And from now on, will you start using the "I gave" principle more often so that this does not happen again?
Answer in the comments below. And on the way - share this article with friends and family members who often worry and fear about the smallest details 👌
Unless you are diabetic, then it is better not to try.↩
As Daniel told me, this blog was born in a similar way.↩
Daniel writes more about this in the article “Did you get let down? Are you nervous? And did you try not to expect anything?'.↩
Yes, this is a joke from 2004.↩
Or worse, hated and completely irrelevant.
Didn't get a hundred? You killed us all! All of us!!!↩
Dear Director... Um... No, too formal. Hi Tom... Hm, no, well, you have to think about it. I still can't leave this toilet without cleaning myself.↩
I will note that the diploma was my goal. If the goal had been to design a factory that someone would actually build, I would have focused on calculations. Just like when renovating my new house, I spent several thousand euros and eight months of work on it. Or when writing one article, like this one, I spend 3 to 5 hours just gathering information.↩