Goal of the day: 137 words. Written: 459.
Two years and three months ago, I was in love with a girl. Her name was Mileta and she was probably the most amazing girl I'd ever met... Until I realised I was wrong.
Now I'm reliving in my mind the meetings with her, the epic of our communication, trying to understand her - to understand what I was like then (and two years is a long time to be 24 years old!). I was a different guy then: quieter, more withdrawn, more cowardly, not knowing what to do with my ability to create.
And I write her a letter.
A few weeks after the first meeting. July 31st, 2013.
When I forget the words.
Hi. Yes, you, hello.
I don't know how to put it into words. ...And I write precisely because sometimes I forget them.
Somewhere far away, in the mists of oblivion, I have told you that when I am with you, I forget my words. I forget my language. I forget my thoughts, science, physics, the whole world around me, my memories, my stories, my funny stories, I forget what goes on in my head.
That's strange.
I rarely forget that.
I know that one of the ways to escape the thoughts that are running around in my head is to talk. Or to write. But with you, I don't even need to talk or write to forget everything that is not worth remembering.
That's strange.
Like a wave, you push tiny shells, grains of sand onto the shore, where they will be trodden on by bare feet.
When you ask me "Daniel, okay, it's your turn now - tell me what's on your mind", I get confused. Because I realise that... I wasn't thinking anything!
Listening is easy - I like to listen to other people's stories, experiences, worlds. I like to observe people. Like birds on a cherry blossom branch, chirping and inviting their friends to dine on delicious shiny berries.
Birdwatching is a pleasure. Like probably all other animals. But it would be hard to tell those animals what I was thinking if they suddenly spoke up and asked me.
When I'm with you, I don't think. And I don't know why.
I don't think about what I normally think about.
- About work, about the people I meet, about writing, about my desires and dreams, about music, the sound of the sea, the sound of the keys on the keyboard while writing this text.
- About the fibonacci ordering of tree branches, about the integral sum formulae of the surface of a tree, about quantum electron jumps in our noses (which make us smell all kinds of smells), about the molecular structures of graphite and graphene.
- About the beauty of nature, about how beautiful people can be.
- About electricity prices. About political figures. About socio-economic indicators in Lithuania or other countries.
- About historical facts and figures.
- About why yellow things are not really yellow, but come in every possible colour except yellow.
- On melting glaciers and the resulting cooling of the ocean. And then glaciers forming again.
- About how the weather in Lithuania depends on the mountains... in America!
I forget my thoughts, I forget even what I had planned to do with you.
How is this possible?
You make me feel pleasantly lazy. No, usually when I'm lazy, I torture myself and try to find something to do that will really have an effect. With you, I'm lazy and that's it.
Strange. It's just weird.
The worst thing, though, is when I think of something and then forget it when you ask. Damn.
Forgetting the words,
Daniel