[Relationship Strengthening Month] And do you love your neighbor? Do you make time for them?

love relationships

A few days before Love Lithuania Day, the world celebrates another day of love - Valentine's Day. Probably the most famous day of the summers, forgetting the one that sometimes occurs at the end of the month.

Love. Who doesn't crave it?

Well, judging by what this Fourteenth has turned into, love is no longer needed by almost anyone. Because love is only needed for people you want to have hot sex with and create a brigade of adorable babies.

Or at least that's what you might think, given that on this one day, the number of mischief-makers is probably the highest of the year, and sales of red roses shoot through the ceiling and leave a hole in the roof.

Somehow the "love thy neighbour" phrase, which encourages you to love your neighbours, has turned into one "I'll buy you a rose" day over the course of the year... Fascinating, isn't it? Wonderful traditions.

Okay, maybe it's not your tradition. But...

Say you try to ignore Valentine's Day, or you just give it as a gift in a heart-shaped box of chocolates that are 15 times more expensive.

Maybe you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend to sexualise and you don't buy books on Pantone shades. Maybe you don't care about the Fourteenth and don't pay attention to it.

It's still a question for you:

And do you love your neighbor? Do you make time for them?

To your mum, grandparent, dad, brother, or even a friend who was so important and interesting a few years ago, but is now completely forgotten?

You may be thinking at this moment that "Yes, I love, I am a model person". But am I really?

I don't want to question your concern, but I have to admit that I myself often fail to make time for my relatives. I forget people. It's just. And when I forget - I'm afraid to bring the relationship back to the strong one, or to make it better.

Sometimes I don't speak to my grandparents for weeks, even though I know that their last day will inevitably come sooner than mine. 1 I get angry with my mother and don't speak for days, afraid to say a word...

...And what about the friends I've managed to forget just because we are no longer in the same school?

I'm sure you have one too.

We can build better traditions than the ones we have now.

I propose: let's make this month different. Instead of continuing to live from the 14th to the 14th and focusing only on building petal trails to bed...

...Let's do what no one has yet proposed to do:

Let's make at least one month a Relationship Recovery and Strengthening Month.

That's right, yes - you can dedicate this month to your future (or current) childcare helper. But why not give at least one month to those to whom we don't give love as often?

Why not give it to those who for some reason are not mentioned in Akropolis' advertisements and ignored by the media?

These are the people we strangely forget. These are yours:

  • Mum;
  • Dad;
  • Grandma;
  • Grandpa;
  • Brothers and sisters;
  • Children, if you have them or care for them;
  • A single aunt living on the other side of Lithuania;
  • That cousin in England you have on your Facebook friends list, but you're scared to talk to, even though you'd like to get to know him better;
  • Your neighbour, the one you've said hello to in the morning for 20 years in a row;
  • Your ex-lover, who is, after all, a good person;
  • The hairdresser who cuts your hair every month...

...Or indeed any other person you find interesting and important.

I believe that there are definitely people with whom you would like to reconnect and strengthen your relationship.

And maybe at this very moment, you are already thinking about which person you miss the most? Who would you regret the most?

This month, make time for those you haven't made time for in a while.

...Until Mr Death came.

My grandmother has a kind of joke. As she says, she has lived successively in Kražiai, Kelme, Kintai, Kalvarija, now she lives in Kaunas, and she will end her journey in Karmėlava cemetery. 2

And her joke reminds me that each of us has a limited time on this uphill climb of joy. And if you want to really be with, learn from and understand someone else, today is the best time. 3

Unless, of course, you believe in reincarnation and paradise. Then great, you can keep wasting your time on Facebook, porn and finding the best bargains at your local supermarket. You'll get to talk after you die.

But will you have a conversation if you have a slightly more practical and scientifically based view of the world?

What if you don't believe in an afterlife?

Then I encourage you to take a more practical approach to the dating of this life. These are two things you can do this month:

  1. To revive old, almost lost links;
  2. And strengthen existing ones.

Because aren't your relationships with other people one of the most important things in life? I believe it is. But I'd better first illustrate what kind of relationships I have in mind.

You can read this article below...

...Or join us now. Go ahead!

Here are some examples of live relationships.

While you might be running out of ideas for what you could spend your time on, here are four examples of how true Cloud Citizens pay attention to their loved ones. And yes, they all live in Lithuania, so don't make excuses. 4

Antanas Mockus. Psychologist and father of two children.

Before the children were born, Antanas thought it would be a good opportunity to use his knowledge of psychology and to experience and educate children from a young age.

But when they were born, she realised that being with her children was more important.

So from the onset of these two little joys (and sorrows), he resolved to find time for his children every day. And he has put aside all unimportant activities and relationships to reclaim his time.

As he himself says, empathy and time are limited resources. So he gives it to his children while he can.

Giedre Slivko. (Now) full-time wife.

Photo by. Kristina Sereikaitė

In the autumn of 2015, Giedrė realised that her family had become one of those "settled" families. With endless routine and anger between her and her husband, parents and children.

This was not a one-off crisis. It was something that had been going on since the beginning of the marriage, even before the children were born.

It's time to change something to avoid a painful divorce.

Giedre did just that at the beginning of winter. After reading the book "The Five Love Languages", recommended by a friend, 5 she realised that everyone gives and receives love differently...

...And that she used to be guided only by her own desires, regardless of how her husband or her children expressed their love.

So this winter, Giedre quit her job to spend time with her family. Real time - not the kind of time she used to "take" when she came back angry and tired.

She says her work was stealing the most important things from her and her family - good feelings, communication and time together. Now she is determined not to miss any more opportunities to support her daughters and husband. And over the past months, warm relationships have returned to her family.

Karolina Žilinskaitė. Coaching specialist and student.


This year, Karolina has set herself a goal: to strengthen her ties with her family so that they don't break down when she moves more than 250 kilometres away to another corner of Lithuania.

Although Lithuania is relatively small, keeping in touch is not an easy task in a fast-paced world.

Karolina is not going to give up her activities. However, she tries to return home at least once a month to visit her parents, and she also tries to provide regular little things - phone calls, gifts from her travels and so on.

Although she has a good relationship with her mother, she tries to maintain this good relationship so that she doesn't have to rebuild it from scratch in the future, as others have to do.

Danielius Debesyla. Just 24 years old.

In the photo on the left you can see me, my grandmother and my mother. This is a selfie at Kaunas Drama Theatre. 6

Even though I have lived close to my family all my life (even in the same house), I realise that our time together is limited.

That's why, when I get the chance to go to the theatre together and turn my head to watch weird plays, I'm happy to do it. Even if I could use the time to write articles or books, building my writing career.

We talk, we go to plays and we do things together. It's not some big activities and challenges - it's just socialising. 7

But it is this communication that is most needed.

We take the opportunity to be with the people who matter.

Are you taking advantage of the opportunity?

These are not the only things you could do. You can too:

  • Sit down and play chess with Dad;
  • Take your children to the Čiurlionis Picture Gallery;
  • Going on a trip for a week without the internet, but with your husband (or wife);
  • Ask your grandmother if she has read "The Hour of the Wolf" by Andrius Tapinas, and offer to read it and then share your opinions;
  • Have a video game marathon with your friends and play Overwatch together, beating those useless opponents;
  • Play with your kids that Minecraft you don't really understand but your kids love;
  • Help your grandparent prepare for spring in the garden or kitchen garden;
  • Call your dad and apologise for being disrespectful to him, and start afresh when you're grown up and adult;
  • To interview your mother...

…And so on.

It's not what you do, but with whom you do it.

Our time with people is limited. With some, even more. Can you really afford to waste it waiting for a "better" moment? Will that moment really come?

I take it you're scared to take action?

Okay - you're scared. You're ashamed to admit it, but... So how do you do all this? After all, you might not like your proposals at all!

And I won't lie - your first attempt may not work as well as you expect.

You can be very enthusiastic. Or none at all. Because maybe your dad is used to you only calling him when you need money - so naturally he'll think what's changed, that you're only calling to see if he's OK. Or something like that.

There are four things to remember here:

First: It is better to try than not to try.

And I'm serious. Imagine that today, out of that fear, you decide to postpone everything for "a better week in the future". ...How would you feel if you found out you were late - your Man was in a car accident and died?

It is better to try and find out that something has gone wrong. It's better than not trying at all and then spending a lifetime blaming yourself by saying "what if I had done things differently".

Second: As long as you're both alive, you have an unlimited number of tests.

For some reason, sometimes it really seems that our first greeting, call, letter or gift will be our last if the recipient doesn't like it.

But really, it's nonsense. As long as you are both alive, you have an unlimited number of tests. And some of them will work. If not the first, then maybe the thirty-fourth. All that matters is...

Third: Be guided by sincerity.

Insincere "because you have to" relationships are as obvious as blood on snow. Don't give up time because someone is forcing you - give up time because you want to. Voluntarily.

I, for example, always forget to wish my grandfather a happy birthday. But if I ever wonder how to dry apples, or if something goes wrong, I turn to him.

Fourth: And look for sincerity.

Unfortunately, I can't give you any precise advice here, because neither you nor I can read other people's minds. However, it would certainly be better if you didn't go around squaring the circle and solving each other's problems.

Much better - go direct. And accept the answers as if they were the most honest in the world. Relationships are built on respect, and that's how you respect the other person's opinions and wishes. If they don't want to do something new with you, so be it. But at least you tried, and that is important.

It's not much, but it's enough. It should be enough.

You already know how to communicate with your key people. It's just that you may have forgotten it for now.

When, if not today, will you reconnect?

Despite the fact that you're scared that your current relationships with your loved ones are nonexistent or maybe non-existent, and despite the fact that it's so hard to find the time when you're wasting it on Facebook and what not...

...Time is running out. And it's not in your favour.

Time is the best medicine for healing disagreements and the best relationship killer.

But you can also take a more positive view. You are still alive and still have time. Time to get to know the people closest to you, to make a mark on their lives and to keep the best memories for yourself.

Your choice today is:

A) Don't change anything and live as before. You may regret it in the future.

B) Taking action to make life better. For yourself and others. Take it on your own, rather than waiting for it to magically happen.

What do you prefer?

And if not this month, when?

Hopefully before Mr Death arrives. That dude doesn't care at all about your cries in your last moments and he won't sell second lives for gold coins.

So, I invite you to join us. Let's strengthen old relationships together!

Your neighbour,

P.S. Express your passion for change in the comments below. You'll be committing yourself to a small but worthwhile and fun adventure.

  1. You are dying. Accept it and rejoice. Why? I told you about it "You are more than you think + Remember your death" the end part.

  2. It is a suburb on the northern side of Kaunas. My grandparents on my dad's side are buried there, as well as several other relatives.

  3. "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is today" - Chinese proverb.

  4. Seriously, what excuses do you have? No time? Money? Strength? Yeah... Let's see what these heroes of today have to say. 🙂

  5. The main ideas of which I have told you about  "The five love languages we all speak".

  6. One of our family's favourite theatres. If I'm not mistaken, the other day we watched Vido Bareikis' Hamlet.

  7. Christmas, Christmas Eve, birthdays and surprise roast days are our celebrations.

Leave a Reply

Leave a comment. Anonymously.

I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, THANK YOU. These are the words that work miracles. Say these words to your loved ones as often as possible and the quality of the relationship will skyrocket!!!

Wonderful article <3. I promise that this month I will write and call friends and relatives who miss me and want to talk to me, and those who were once in a great relationship.

Cool idea. I do it every day and it's such a good feeling when you see your loved ones happy.

I will give more quality attention and time to my loved ones today. I have a plan that I will remind myself of and follow every day to rebuild the relationships that I have lost and to remind myself that they are important to me. I believe that I can do anything, but I have allowed fears and stupid beliefs to control me. There will be no more of that.

I used to do what Karolina used to do, I used to go to my mother's at least once a month, but when the children came along, we started to have fewer visits, and my mother came to visit us more often. Resume this tradition immediately, no matter what day of the week, when Mum has the day off, not when she has the weekend off.

This year, I think, is a good year for that. The main thing is not to procrastinate too much! <3

Hello, I have another problem with my relationship. I pay a lot of attention to my dear ones and take care of them as much as I can. But about a couple of years I noticed that it is just a one-sided relationship. Because my relatives, they can't find the time. I'm starting to be hurt by these relationships and I want to move away and immerse myself in work and hobbies because I feel I'm wasting myself.

Well, maybe you shouldn't pay attention to them so much, Ana?

Your attention to them, which they don't ask for, is REQUIRED. You rape them because you want to feel like a hero. Or at least that may be the case, as I read in the book "What is it - love or addiction?". Sometimes our desire to help is really a desire to help ourselves... :O

It is a pity that such articles are needed, but they are really useful for those who look at life through their fingers.When you mature your mind, you realise that you have to appreciate every moment, and to take time for it not only once a month, but often.This is what I wish to everyone

That's how they are needed. Sometimes we forget! 🙁

...But it is important that we remember :')

Just yesterday my mother was complaining that she missed me.... I don't pay attention to her at all... I've been visiting my dad's grave for a long time now... 🙁 It seems like "there's no time", but I know I'm just wasting my time sometimes just for myself, not sharing it with others.... I'm making a promise to myself to go to my grandmother's (I only have one), to visit my dad's grave and to spend more time with my mum.

A very fair article. In fact, we pursue our goals, our dreams and so on, but we forget the most basic things: time with our family, our aunt, our mother, our grandmother, our grandfather, or with our siblings and our brothers' closest friends. So that's all they need: that one phone call, a chat, a helping hand or just doing something meaningful together, that opens up a feeling of warmth in the heart that no amount of money can buy! Let's appreciate it.

Thank you. I pledge to strengthen my relationship with my father-in-law and to do something good for my mother...

Thank you, Daniel, for a meaningful article. Yes,.... The pursuit of our goals must not overshadow our relationships with our families and people close to us. Communication is one of the values of life... we have to make communication with our loved ones our whole life...))

Communication is almost the only thing we have. For what else is the meaning of life than to give something, to do something for others, or to speak into the soul of others?

Thanks for the article. I read it and felt sorry for how I did not appreciate the dear people who wanted to be with me or talk to me on the phone.
I pledge to myself that I will do everything I can to make myself and others around me feel better.

Great idea, but I would like to correct that those who believe in eternity also need to try to love each other here on earth, even more, because how much you love depends on whether you meet in paradise 🙂

I laughed so hard at the isanga-ten points;)))) and the feeling of dread to return to what you have been abandoning for some time-oh how familiar and understandable. But it is surmountable-and always worth surmounting;) good riddance-I'm in.

It's so nice that a commercialised celebration can be turned into such a nice challenge 🙂 I am very often with my family - most of it is my mother at the moment. Yesterday we went to a concert together. We listened to some light rock and went home with a lot of positivity in our heads. I don't know who can be a better friend than my mum. :} And I don't know a cooler husband than my brother, a more active grandmother than mine and a more hardworking grandfather... Et... For all those who have forgotten the faces of their loved ones, I wish you to remember this month. And for me, this challenge is different - it's time to fall in love with myself. :} Thank you, Daniel.

Strong! One of my personal favourites. It's like everything is known, understood, understood and.... well, I'll start later 🙂 I agree, everything has to be done NOW.

That's great to hear, I've been doing it for a long time and believe me it feels super good

Or I myself have unintentionally started to pay more attention to my parents, even today, a month ago. That is very nice. Unexpectedly nice 🙂

Or even say a word. Others don't like touch, but they like words, or help will work! 🙂

and hug your loved ones.....because it's not necessary :(and I won't tell you, you won't hug....

I am committed. I join. I always tell myself how important it is:-) Let's turn thoughts into actions. Thank you for the initiative to say it out loud☺