Have you noticed how much stress, anger and frustration are born from seemingly small things? Such small things? I have noticed. And I believe that those negative emotions are caused by our hopes.
After all, we expect new things every day:
- How a loved one will appreciate the gifts,
- How we will be assessed in exams or at work,
- A new photo on Facebook will get as many "likes" as a new photo,
- What the weather should be like on tomorrow's journey,
- How will the series you're watching end?
- How will the pancakes turn out the first time...
...Or something like that and so on.
But do your hopes often come true?
(I guess your answer is short and consists of two letters.)
In my short life, I have experienced this thousands of times. When things didn't go as I planned, I was angry at myself, my surroundings and everything in sight. And it happened again and again.
You know the feeling, don't you?
"Aha, I know this frustration... But where are you going?"
The funny thing is that I found the solution to this problem of my unfulfilled hopes by accident. It happened when I started reading my old unfulfilled plans and dream lists two years ago.
Wait, you don't expect anything?!
Hope may not look bad at first glance. After all, maybe if I hope for something good, I will get it? Maybe it will work The Secret Magic and attract money, success and the gold that lies beneath the earth with my thoughts?
Well, mathematically speaking, there is a chance. But, as I was taught by a KTU professor Bronislovas Burgis 1 - Is it worth losing your sanity and buying instant lottery tickets because of zero chance?
Here are two reasons why it's usually worth throwing hope out of the window and putting a piano on top...
First: Unfortunately, your hopes are not destined to come true.
I don't know what you do and will do; I don't know how you live or the names of your friends. But I do know that your hopes are not destined to come true. Or rather, at least the way you hope.
What are you hoping for? What are you waiting for? What do you know will happen?
"Hope is the mother of fools." Lithuanian folk proverb
...Admit it - do you really know?
Think back to the journeys you used to look forward to. Did they happen exactly as you planned? Were the recommended places really that interesting? Were the people you met as you expected?
...Did you get as much rest as you wanted on your holiday?
Investors 2 the rise and fall of hopeless hopes every day. And they profit from it - someone hopes stocks will rise, someone hopes they will fall. Nobody knows in advance who will win. 3
Our blindness is confirmed by University of Amsterdam research 2008: In this experiment, participants were given a volatile stock market operating on an unknown principle, and they tended to make guesses about the price changes either by herding or by the "I hope I get lucky" principle.
Most of the time, they didn't guess. Because the future is unpredictable, even though it may sometimes seem otherwise. 4
Second: If you don't know what to expect, you ruin the joy of the experience.
Hoping for a big prize at the end of the trip only spoils the only chance to experience the trip while it's still happening. Haven't you noticed?
It is very easy to spoil a film session by reading about the ending beforehand. It's easy to plan what you're going to do when you get back and not see what's unfolding around you now. It's easy to talk to a guy or a girl and expect him or her to be the love of your life, but to miss out on the very fun of a new acquaintance... 5
Trying to coordinate the future according to what you want will keep you from noticing what is happening around you right now.
It's like going to a fancy restaurant for an ice cream, but dreaming of a bed at home while you eat it. That way, you won't enjoy either the ice cream or the bed. Like a Buridan's donkey amongst a pile of straw. 6
...You don't want to be an ass, do you? 🙂
Then how can we throw away these hopes and feel the joy of our lives?
When fantasy and reality collide, it causes stress, anger and a wish for a different world. But the world doesn't care much about your wishes. 7 And even if you really want and believe you can't change the world with hope.
"So what do we do then?"
The solution is simple: Imagine that you are holding in your hand everything you expect from the world around you, from yourself, from your family and from strangers...
And take a deep breath and throw it in the bin.
Because that's the way to deal with worthless rubbish.
In fact, you can do this exercise not only in your mind. For example, write down on a piece of paper what you expect from your spouse, your exam day, your career or your birthday... And once you've written it down, throw it in the rubbish bin too.
It may seem a bit silly, but I suggest you try it for yourself. Writing down your thoughts and throwing them away helps you get rid of them. 8 And this is not a blind promise - it has been observed and In 2012, studies conducted by the Autónoma University of Madrid.
...And even more so - two years ago I tried it myself. 🙂
When I was sorting out my old papers with my useless plans, I was nervous that half of them didn't come true... And after spitting, I threw it in the dustbin. After a moment, an hour, I started to feel happier.
The world around you is not going to change just because you want it to. But you can change your attitude so that the world's ills don't bother you.
"If you don't expect anything from the environment, you'll never be let down."
Sylvia Plath, poet
You can live in a fantasy world and be nervous every time it shatters. Or you can expect nothing, relax and be in the here and now.
Being on the road. To be happy.
Expecting nothing, 9
He taught me probability maths and statistics. He was a strange lecturer, telling us in the first lecture about our incredible mathematical journey ahead, but full of interesting, new knowledge.
Did you know that he tried to stop the @ sign being pronounced as "eta" and keep the original English "at"? I respect him for that alone, because the @ stands for 'at'.↩
Entrepreneurs whose job it is to live in a world of hopes and ideas.↩
Except for the millionaire fools and novice investors. Some of them are 100% convinced of the profitability of their companies and ideas. To what extent this works, you may remember or ask your parents about the entrepreneurs of the first decade of independence.↩
Do you believe that a week later you'll still go grocery shopping? Well, unless you get crushed in a pedestrian crossing. And if you don't catch a virus. And if...
Yes, it's scary for me too. But that's the way the world works - we don't know what will happen in the future. Unless you are Isaac Asimov "The Foundation" book character. 😉↩
Or awfulness. In a new relationship, two troubles pass: 1) It's too scary to make a mistake and 2) It's too boring because there is no room for error. After these two stages, only the most suitable couples remain.↩
I would have liked to tell you more, but the story is just that simple: the donkey took so long to choose which way to go to the straw that he simply starved to death. The Lithuanian equivalent of the fable would probably be hunting two birds with one stone, or looking for a free parking space in the centre of Vilnius.↩
Unless you're a small baby and very
annoyinglycrying out loud. Bveeeee, pay attention or I'll drive you crazy. *cries and then laughs maniacally*↩Even if it's written down and thrown away on a computer.↩
Here, at this moment, I could expect you to leave a comment under the article. And then I could worry, fear, check every few days to see if anyone has written. But better I'll put and I won't expect anything. Here's hoping!↩
Nobody is a bastard, you can't know what will happen, it's said too strongly?If that's the case, then all the officials and anyone who wants to can easily justify the non-fulfilment of all the promises?Enjoy the trip, not the past dreams about it.It doesn't matter that everything is not going the way it was dreamt of.Oh, yes!Excellent advice, because our inner well-being depends on it.The reason for not doing as we wish is the world around us and the actions around us.We want to be small individual actions, which often do not coincide with the small actions around us, which causes all sorts of things to happen.Thank you, Daniel.
Thank you, Vitalija 🙂
I don't draw a distinction between pursuing dreams and throwing hope away. It is necessary to have high goals, aspirations and dreams. They are the guidelines for life, which encourage growth. However, to bitterly replace any new experience that is emerging-especially if it is still related to other people's attitudes towards us and their reactions to our actions-with preconceived HOPES is already harmful and does not connect with dreams. It is precisely such empty illusions-that something MUST work out this way or that way, or that something must have a third outcome-that need to be discarded. It is simply not healthy to challenge other people with your own imaginary scenarios, because if the scenario doesn't happen, or if it happens differently, or at a different time, it is no longer as palatable. It is much healthier to set yourself a high goal of getting somewhere - to enjoy the process and not to be programmed that there is only one right path to Rome, with the exact landscape we have once created in our imagination. There are many crater-roads and many more beautiful roads than the ones we imagined.
Thank you, Milda! You understood well. 🙂
How long have I been living with fantasies, hope, expectation etc. and not enough, then comes disappointment and the wheel turns again, shame at this point, I believe that the list will help and that writing it will bring even more shame :)but maybe this will be the end of the fantasies and maybe the wheel will stop 🙂
I totally agree, you won't expect anything - you won't be disappointed!!!!
In the "about the author" section, you say that you help people to realise their crazy dreams, but with this post you say that all those dreams should be thrown in the garbage. Before you write articles and pompous 'About' articles, I suggest you think about whether the ideas contradict each other.
Dreams don't have to be thrown in the trash. They need to be rethought to make sure they are what you need.
Maybe not helping to make dreams come true, but contributing to them.
You think too much, amateur critic.
And even more so, the difference between dreams and hopes is that one is the foundation of the goal, while the other is the result of the journey.
You can hope to achieve a goal (a dream) and you will usually be disappointed.
Or you can be content with nothing, pursue a dream, a goal - what you want - and get it much more easily.
But thanks for your comments, criticism lover and purpt :)))
purpt: is there a big difference between helping implementation and contributing to implementation? You seem to be filling in the blanks. 🙂
I commented because I saw a very clear contradiction between the ideas, and when I see mistakes I like to tell the people who made them, especially bloggers, because they are read by a lot of people, and there is already enough junk in the media. I would like to see people, if they are writing for the general public, to write intelligently and not contradict themselves.
So, according to Cloud Theory, you should have goals but not expect to achieve them? I don't see much point in dreaming at all then if you don't think it is realistic. As someone who has already achieved a bit in my life, I can tell you that you just have to want, and want a lot, but maybe not expect others to put everything on a plate for you, and realise that you can only achieve everything through hard work. That is why you have to set goals for yourself first, i.e. to put effort into those dreams. 🙂
This is, of course, just my personal reflections. I live by this philosophy and so far so good, I probably wouldn't know how to live in negativity, never expecting anything, which is probably why it stuck. It's just that the Lithuanian nation is already the leader in suicides, and I don't want any more unhappy people who don't expect anything from life. 🙂
At first I was lost too, but when I think about it, dreams and hopes are two different things. Here's how I see it: dreams and wishes are not to be discarded in any way, because they are goals, aspirations in life. For example, I dream of learning to snowboard, I just want to and I enjoy the learning process, I set new goals and aspirations, despite a few setbacks or bruises, each step forward gives me more joy and confidence. And the hope would be if I hoped that when I learn to skate then I will be happier, I will achieve something, I will be "tougher", etc. Then the learning would be different, I would probably be gritting my teeth and moving towards the finish line, and at the first sign of failure, I would be disappointed that I couldn't do it... And if you learn anyway, and there is no such thing as happiness or "coolness", then it is even more of a letdown. Well, that's my opinion, and it's a good article, I liked it. But I don't have any hope of getting rid of all my hopes yet, but I think I'll try 🙂 I think I'll do my best.
Thank you, Smilga! You got the point of the article absolutely right! 🙂
I liked the article, I agree, hope is thrown out of the garbage disposal, but how do you throw out feelings?, deep in the heart it is difficult to do, it needs more time. Maybe when we throw the feelings out of the heart, we will not feel any anger.
Beatrice, why do you want to throw away your feelings? 🙂
In my opinion, it is not right to give up on feelings, because that is what makes us human. But it is possible to ignore feelings. As well as the hopes that arise and the desire to plan.
Indeed, I probably agree best with what Mark Manson writes, since I don't want to put it all in my own words, here is what he says: http://markmanson.net/your-two-minds
Emotions are not a bad thing. Thoughts are not a bad thing. It is bad, however, to be guided only by emotions and only by hopes 😉
When you let go of your feelings, it doesn't hurt, you feel free...
Thanks for the link, I will read it 😉
"I don't own anything, so I have nothing to lose". "Expectations for the museum !
Thank you, Vytautas!