Do you sometimes feel like there is a missing link in your life? Everything seems fine, but something is still wrong? Living by the rules of a happy life, but not feeling like a winner?
I felt that way too, until I finally solved one of the puzzles of my personal life and felt immense relief.
Now I want to share this discovery with everyone.
In my short life and even shorter period of conscious growth, I have come to understand something that is forgotten and overshadowed, too rarely practiced, and which I believe is an important step towards a better life.
I can confidently say that I love myself.
And I hope that this statement will not come across as egocentric. Of course, I do not claim to know everything or to be an expert in this field. I also can't say that I love myself in all aspects or one hundred percent - it's impossible to know.
But I am convinced that natural self-love is vital.
NEW: You can also listen to the article - voiced by a girl from Debesy Justina Pilkaitė:
What is love for us?
People understand it in different ways. The easiest description is a set of positive feelings directed at a particular person or group of people. Of course, there can also be love for activity, work, but we are not talking about that now.
Lovers define love as follows:
- Being together,
- The desire to bring happiness to another person,
- The desire to feel happy on your own,
- A sense of fullness and the like.
Parents describe love as follows:
- The desire to give your child the best,
- Attachment and such.
And how do we define self-love?
If you think you love yourself, try to find words to describe the feeling you have for YOURSELF. What feelings come up when you think about yourself? How do you see yourself from the side? Are you proud and happy with yourself? Or maybe you are angry and don't understand?
It is important to delve into your true feelings, and not the "standard" ones or the ones that are fed to us by the environment.
Think about it. Not so easy, is it?
Why can inspirational phrases be misleading?
Before revealing that si.eebuklinga recipe that starts with self-love, I need to clarify a few things.
As I already mentioned, everyone understands love in a similar way, but still differently. And self-love is even more different. Don't make the mistake of thinking that self-love can be blind! No no, that's not the case at all. Let me explain.
You've probably heard the inspirational phrase many times "love yourself the way you are". What does it really mean?
It's nothing more than an excuse for a person to stay at the same point and not feel bad about it. Being overweight, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, various other addictions and obsessions, anger, aggression, manipulation... these are just a few things that some people have and others would like to get rid of in their lives.
And it seems that just as they begin to take their first steps toward growth, some stranger comes out of the gooseberries and whispers, "love yourself as you are." And everything is fine Mrasikeinoia.
A person believes that it is not necessary for him to change, because the most important thing is to love yourself with all the dirty baggage! This is a misleading phrase and is widely misunderstood by many. Yes, you need to love yourself, but not blindly. You need to love yourself because you like yourself. 1
Personally, I didn't consciously seek love for myself...
... Only thanks to happy coincidences, several books and life changes, suddenly one day, while writhing in bed, I realized - I love myself!
But, oh, that love is a liar!
Abstractly speaking, self-love can be divided into two types:
What is the difference between these types?
A shallow love is one that doesn't care about long-term solutions. She only cares about the HERE AND NOW, and the future and consequences do not exist.
Such love is only for comfort, indulging yourself in the moment, without any thought of future prospects. I would call that kind of love a lie. It's like those strange vacuum cleaner salesmen - it turns your brain into dust, and by the time you realize what's happened, it's too late to find fault.
Marytė wants to watch TV. Shows her favorite movie. However, she knows that she needs to rehearse the etude on the piano because she wants to participate in the Mother's Day concert in a month. Mary has two choices:
- Do not rehearse and watch videos,
- Rehearse and not watch videos.
In the first case, Marytė would get satisfaction from funny videos right away. Secondly, the satisfaction of appearing on stage would be felt very soon.
Also, the "amount" of pleasure varies greatly. Marytė would feel more euphoria after attending a concert and receiving applause than after watching a video.
Marytė believes that participating in the concert would give her a lot of confidence in pursuing her career as a pianist in the future. Also she would be proud of herself. But the videos are so fun and enticing…
Dopamine dictates its terms?
We are pleasure-seeking creatures. Our brain contains the so-called pleasure centers, where the chemical compound dopamine is released. 2 He is responsible for making us feel happy. Therefore, it is very normal to have a dopamine addiction. 3
What stimulates dopamine production? Things we like and things that entertain us. From good sex to a beautiful manicure. 4
We want pleasure quickly and a lot, so we almost always choose the easier way. That's why many people prefer it watching TV and playing computer games, rather than exercising or cooking a delicious dinner.
But true love requires some effort.
Only not because it is achieved through suffering, but because we have forgotten and become unaccustomed to our natural state, which is self-love. A person who truly loves himself will always wish the best for himself. Not the sham, but the lasting good. The kind of goodness that will guarantee happiness for a long time.
Therefore, if Marytė chose rehearsal instead of watching videos, she would secure herself a greater amount of happiness for the future, sacrificing something smaller now. And you'll thank yourself later.
However, many people have a very wrong understanding of self-love.
It is not blind self-worship and comfort or acceptance of one's faults. Of course, we all have flaws. However, not all of us are determined to correct them. True self-love isn't like a plaque stuck in your head that makes you feel better about your bad decisions.
True self-love is when you sincerely want the best for yourself and devote your energy to achieving it.
The magic rule.
But all that aside! I can finally release that one the only principle you need to love yourself. Are you ready?
You have to be completely open with yourself.
Yes, I realize that the magic rule doesn't sound very magical. But the truth lies in this simplicity.
Only by being completely open with oneself can a person grow and move to a "higher level". Do you know how many times you have lied to yourself about something and then regretted it? Probably endless. I know because I did it too.
Every time you have to make a decision about something, but you feel doubt, ask yourself: "Do I really want this"?
Here are some practical tips for being completely open with yourself.
FIRST: Don't ignore your emotions.
When you feel angry - tell (yourself) that you feel angry; when you feel love - say you feel love; when you feel fear - say you feel fear and so on.
If some situation annoyed you or made you feel unpleasant, take some time to reflect on the feelings that happened. Get into your state and don't try to suppress it.
Ask yourself: Why did this situation annoy me? And answer the question in as much detail as possible. 5
Try to analyze your feelings in every uncomfortable situation.
...And don't be afraid to admit to yourself if you feel jealousy, shame, contempt - these emotions must not be hidden, they must be examined and understood, where and for what purpose they arise. You can analyze yourself endlessly in your mind - no one can hear you, so no one will judge you.
SECOND: If there are situations in life that you don't want to get into, don't get into them.
For example, if you don't want to visit your mother-in-law and are afraid to tell your husband - you have to give in - you are doing wrong to yourself.
You should think carefully about why you don't want to do this. Maybe your mother-in-law criticizes you and this undermines your self-confidence? Or maybe you want to know every little detail about your life, even though you don't want to share it at all? Or is she a terrible person—a tyrant with the head of a woman—and you want nothing to do with her?
Then answer yourself honestly, why this is so, and make the decision that seems most logical and best to you. For example, I would say to myself “So many negative people in my life not necessary and not important at allthat this is my husband's mother".
In short, once you understand your inner feelings and that they have a basis and are not just made up, do what you feel will make you happiest. Don't be afraid to say "Damn" and not do nasty things. Life is too short for stubbornness.
THREE: Know the basis of your actions.
After all, there can also be a reverse option. Maybe someone has asked you for a favor that you could theoretically do perfectly, but you're embarrassed or feel shy or awkward. For example, standing on stage during a performance and holding a flag.
Focus and ask yourself: why don't you really want to do that? Do you feel fear? Mistrust? Shame? Realize that some feelings are not based on any personal experience and are simply an example of irrational fear.
Answer to yourself why you really don't want to do that service. Don't try to dodge.
Adapt the question from step one and distill the real feelings that explain why you feel that way. And then, if you decide that there is no good reason not to do something, just dare and accept the offer.
Apply these exercises to your daily life. If someone asks you to clean the house in the morning, but you don't want to do it at all, ask yourself why. You'll probably come up with a hundred excuses as to why now is a bad time, but the truth is, you're just lazy. And great! The most important thing is to be open to yourself.
You need to know exactly why you are doing what you are doing and whether you really want to do it. Because if you don't want to, why do it?
Forget what you considered "normal", "acceptable", "necessary" and so on until now. Each of us probably has a number of people in our environment who will repeat the same things that other people have repeated to them.
But no matter what they say or think— the most important thing is to stay open to yourself. No one has the right to deprive you of this opportunity or force you to do otherwise!
Try to listen to yourself and realize what is real and what is not, do not try to please other people. If you want to do something - really want to - do it. If you don't want to, don't do it. If you are fed up with something, say so. If you feel unappreciated, then you feel that way for a reason.
And when you see your true desires, you will start to be more open to yourself, you will not be afraid to admit unpleasant feelings or your shortcomings. You will prepare the perfect soil for self-respect and love. Then you will understand what really harms your quality of life and what helps you move to a higher level.
This is how you can truly love yourself and help others do the same.
Well, maybe I'm underestimating you and you could teach me about self-love from a different angle? Then please leave a comment below. And tell me what you think. Because I'm still learning myself.
Wish to love yourself more,
– Milena Koles
So, if you want fake love, sonorous, uplifting or encouraging phrases - you are in the wrong place! You can find such advice in the tabloids, but not here on the Cloud Blog.↩
And that explains why some of us post three selfies a day - it's nice to get some attention and another Kling sound from our smartphone.↩
You can write everything down - pour your feelings into a notebook or computer.↩