My greatest desire is to stop being bored. It has a lot to do with willpower.
You know, when you have something to do, you get inertia and things get easier, you get motivated to keep going and you can afford to relax. And in my case, that rest is meaningless, because I just exist in it. I don't make new friends, I don't get up before 12 o'clock, I sincerely study or read, I overcome my vices, I sincerely perform my duties.
Life cannot seem to get out of this cramped box, which I have carefully kept closed for various reasons, especially psychological ones. And it doesn't help that I talked to a psychologist (we seemed to talk about nothing, well, maybe we came to one conclusion - that I am very self-critical), or that I went to dance (I feel I have no talent for it, but I think it's necessary to allow myself to express my joy through dancing), and I gave up without being able to endure.
Now that we have the word bored, maybe there is some advice on how to open up to the experience?
My answer to this reader:
...And why don't you want to be bored?
I know why. Well, I can guess. Because boredom - doing something that's probably only fun for you - doesn't feel good enough.
It's like the people around you are always moving, moving, doing, working... Oh, all the Facebook and Instagram is doing just that! Hustle and productivity!
Oh, you... You only do what is fun for you... You are selfish. Oh, not growing. Backward. Everybody's ahead of you, and you're left behind. Yeah, if you don't do anything, you'll be no good. Unwise. Ugly. Unattractive. Not good enough.
Something must be done. Something bigger. More. Except why doesn't this thing that attracts me seem as good as the thing of the person who talks about it and brags about it to the world? I guess it's obvious... They're better, and my laziness is the evil of it all.
Well, of course, I'm just guessing. I'm looking through my own prism, again - I often have those feelings. I even signed the book for myself, under the name of "The Lazy Manifesto", to remind me that being lazy is not only important, but also fun.
If I'm guessing right, then whatever you think:
- Are these other people's achievements really as great and good as they appear to be on the internet?
- Will it really make you feel better if you announce a lot of the things you've done and everyone applauds you because it's so easy to click hearts on Instagram, but you still don't feel like you're doing what you really want to do?
- You do realise that your real power comes when you live according to your desires, don't you? If you were a superhero, would you really need to be both strong and magical, and be able to turn into something very small or very big to do your job? I mean, you do realise that you don't have to be perfect?
Of course, I'm just guessing... 😉
