Imagine that one day, a colleague at your new job invites you to a party. Let's say a "getting to know you" party.
You obviously don't know anyone in it, so here's your chance to wet your tongue and make new friends. ...Or at least that's how it should work in theory.
It's just that often, if you don't have good communication skills, you don't manage to get anyone to talk. It's like a nightmare. How the hell can you learn to communicate if you don't know how to communicate!?
Today I am interviewing Povilas. I'm a 28-year-old independent programmer and expatriate in London. His personal growth blogwhich, by the way, was also featured in the 2014 edition of Clouds in the list of the best Lithuanian self-help blogs.
One day Povilas spat on his fears of communication... And for a whole month, every day in Lithuania, he interviewed random people on the street.
And here's how he did.
Say hello to Povilu!
Hi, Paul. First of all, introduce yourself. In five sentences or less - who are you? And where would you put yourself on a ten-point scale from Boredom to Batman?
Hi, I'm Povilas and I'm constantly trying to improve my quality of life. My most ambitious goal is to retire at 30. I share my experience personal development blog. I make a living by programming and investing.
I always wanted to be like Bruce Wayne. I rate my achievements as an eight - the Batman cape is right there. 🙂
Tell us about the challenge you took on, what were the rules and why did you choose this challenge?
One of the most memorable challenges - talking to a stranger on the street every day.
The aim of this challenge is to get an answer to at least one question. I tried to avoid situations where you just say hello and walk away. So, if the person ignores you or doesn't answer, you have to find someone else.
I'm an introvert, so interacting with people is not my strong point. So I decided to overcome my shyness. This challenge seemed like a great way to achieve my goal - I think the easiest way to overcome your fears is to face them head on.
Overall, how did you go about achieving your goal?
The first week was the hardest, and it was very scary to speak to anyone.
However, after the second week there was hardly any adrenaline left, so I started the second phase - asking unusual or shocking questions!
For example, starting a conversation and suddenly asking, "What planet are we on?". Or ask what year it is?
Interestingly, people answer the year question in hours and date. You have to repeat the question if you want to hear the year, and the name of the planet is even more difficult. It is very difficult not to laugh.
And what was the biggest obstacle? And what did you do when it was difficult and you wanted to throw it all away?
The fear of "fooling myself" - all those thoughts in my head that are completely unfounded, but cause deadly fear and paralysis - was driving me nuts.
The best way to overcome them is through direct combat. That's why I took on this challenge.
It helped that I was publicly committed to the challenge. In this way, I balanced the internal and the additional, external, pressure. I keep my word, so if I said I would do it, then I will do it.
How did you feel after completing the challenge? Did you achieve what you had hoped for at the beginning and what new things did you learn?
I was proud of myself! It was really very hard, I had to get over myself many times. The end result was a bit different from what I expected: I became more confident and talking to people became easy, but some of the fear still remained.
The difference is that now I could easily control it. As the saying goes:
"It is not the one who is not afraid who is courageous, but the one who climbs over his fear."
Every time you step out of your comfort zone, the next step becomes easier and easier. All fears are in the mind and life is different from what the fear makes us believe.
The most surprising thing is that people don't get lost when asking ridiculous questions. On the contrary, they ask for details and find out the whole story: that you are doing the challenge, why you are doing it, how you are doing and so on.
I wonder how many people would buy? Who will check?
Although the opposite has also been true. One evening, I had to take a potted flower home from work, so I tried to talk to a woman on the way. She looked at me very suspiciously and said, 'I won't buy your flower'. No hello, no what. How suspicious Lithuanians are sometimes. 🙂
Do you have any advice for people who want to repeat or surpass your adventure?
Be sure to have a second, third stage to add complexity. Meanwhile, the shy ones can start by just saying hello and moving on. Then move on to paying a compliment.
And finally and most importantly: you can't do the same thing every time you do this challenge - it will be boring and of little use. You only learn to communicate by pushing your boundaries and doing the crazy. Like I did.
Cool! So what challenge will you take on now? Do you already have ideas, secret desires?
The biggest challenge today is to become financially independent in your 30s - to be able to support yourself without a job. I want to stress that I am already 28.
Unfortunately, the more familiar "30-day challenges" are not currently on the cards. The last challenge I have taken is to write down the two most important things I have to do each morning in relation to my goals, and then write in the evening what I have achieved.
Here are some examples of the habits I have developed, which started as a 30-day challenge to read 10% books every day, achievement of "Zero inbox"jogging 5 kilometres in the morning on odd days of the week.
Thank you very much for talking to me, Paul!
Normally, I would have expected Povilas to advise me to "never give up" or something like that, as others often do... Here were new and good ideas!
That is: be prepared for a challenge to be too easy and keep pushing it up the difficulty ladder.
Because these steps turn challenges into a real muscle workout. Where increasing loads makes your muscles grow, but not increasing loads doesn't!
yours,
Pig Antanas