We often ask ourselves such questions as what are human values, how to find our vocation in life or overcome the fear of criticism...
Using social networks, you probably follow more than one person you like, but how to choose who are our real teachers who can inspire or give us useful advice?
A psychologist - psychotherapist agreed to share her experience. of the Living Psychology blog the author Lina Vēzelienė.
It's good to share what's alive!
Psychologist and psychotherapist L. Vėželienė writes in her personal blog that her goal is to share what is alive and what, according to Frydrich Nyčė, is "human, too human".
"I try to write about what is interesting to me. And I am interested in what is alive and what is human. And it is certainly not academic psychology or theoretical moral ethics. I'm not interested in human values, but human qualities."
The psychologist attributes to human qualities the ability of each person to feel, to be angry, to love, to make mistakes, to stumble, to get up, to win, to lose. And she adds that if there was a need for a value that would encompass all of the aforementioned abilities of a person, she would call it certainty.
The interviewer especially admires people who are real, sensitive, but not vulnerable, who allow themselves to be all kinds of things! When asked how to discover human qualities in everyone, Vėželienė says that she will answer the question in her own way:
"You just have to let them be. If values are understood as sensitivity, certainty, sincerity, openness to the inner and outer world."
Relatives influenced the birth of the blog.
Lina remembers that her family and closest friends encouraged her to start blogging. As she herself believes, perhaps she was already annoying her relatives or friends with her non-stop flow of notes about what she saw, experienced or read, so they suggested that she write everything down and make it public to a wider audience. Lina adds that while writing the blog, she did not look for teachers or inspirations, but the thoughts flowed by themselves.
About writing a blog, L. Vėželienė says that she would not call this activity educational, because, according to her, it would raise completely different requirements for education or education:
"In order to achieve an educational goal, I should rely more on scientific research, theories of psychological science, perhaps accurate sources should be provided. I don't do that. Therefore, my subjective observations and reference only to the "most loved" authors cannot be classified as educational.
On the "Live Psychology" social network account almost 11 thousand Lina Vėželienė, a psychologist and psychotherapist who has followers, shares what inspires and encourages her. The interviewer is happy if the articles on her blog are useful to someone else.
"In general, when I started writing, I did not expect such a number of followers, I thought I would have about ten or twelve interested people. I wanted to share so much that I was in the mood to write for two readers as well."
The interviewer's book "The Seven Deadly Sins in the Psychologist's Office" has already been published!
A good teacher is...?
Effective and high-quality learning is a guarantee of good results. However, the effectiveness of learning depends not only on the student himself - the teacher has a great influence. We asked Lina what a teacher should be like so that she would want to follow him, listen to him, and learn from him.
In Lina's opinion, a person wants to follow someone whose values harmoniously resonate with his own:
"It's not necessarily a 'good' teacher, it's just someone from whom there is something to learn at a particular stage of life. Therefore, a parent, a friend, and a lecturer from YouTube can become a teacher."
For Lina, the creators of the blog "Gyvoji psikologija", a good teacher is, first of all, one whose words are not outdone by actions.
"If a person himself lives the way he teaches others to live, and I like the way he succeeds in living, he is already a teacher to me."
A loving relationship with oneself is necessary for searching for one's vocation.
In every area of life, we can easily recognize which people are willing to work and which are not. And of course, always, if there is an opportunity, we choose that hairdresser, teacher, doctor, who, as we feel, cares about what he does and does it not only for money. Such a person not only communicates more sincerely and respectfully with us, but also his work results are much better.
From the point of view of psychology, a person's relationship with work can be threefold:
- work for money
- Work for a career,
- Work as a vocation.
About vocation, L. Vėželienė says that people understand the term "vocation" in very different ways. According to the specialist, some associate vocation with a wide-open door of success and recognition, which you only need to find and everything else will be added. For others, a vocation is some special mission, preferably as global as saving the world. For others, discovering a vocation means breaking free from the daily routine or simply changing a job you don't like to something that brings you joy.
"If you already have the desire to "search for your vocation", then I would first suggest you answer two questions: what does it mean to me and why do I need it?"
Also, the specialist suggests looking for a vocation not in the external environment, but within oneself. She adds that searching should not be done by flitting from one activity to another or from one seminar to another, but by carefully and respectfully listening to one's senses and feelings.
The psychotherapist notices that a good relationship with oneself is especially necessary for a purposeful search for a vocation. She would call this a love relationship, because in her opinion, it is not the mind that leads to a vocation, but the heart.
The fear of criticism is overcome!
Probably, each of us has experienced one or another criticism, but it often happens that criticism becomes a burden on a quality life. Therefore, it is better to accept and learn to deal with criticism, because overcoming it sometimes costs too much energy.
...Those who have already developed a sense of self-confidence and a stronger skin, maybe just reading this will smile, but criticism is a very sensitive topic for many!
According to the psychologist-psychotherapist, before looking for ways to protect yourself from criticism, it is important to realize that criticism is not the kind of goodness born of a conscious and moral society, which must be unconditionally accepted. Lina Vēželienė is firmly convinced that in 99 cases out of a hundred, criticism is on the border of psychological violence, because it is neither helpful, nor supportive, nor well-wishing.
She notices that only in exceptional cases does the person who generates quality criticism actually wish us smoother growth: spiritual, psychological, professional.
"If you have been fortunate enough to have been given the gift of such criticism, but because of your excessive tenderness or excessive pride, you have taken it and taken offense, the only remedy in this case is the training of humility." I always wish both my readers and myself not to give up any idea just because it is very scary to receive criticism. I have noticed that those who can only criticize are not as happy as those who can take and do. However imperfectly, however peculiarly..."
Shares thoughts specialist L. Vēželiene.
- Kristina Lazickienė 1