How to stop lying to yourself?

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We all do. Not necessarily every day, but we do. When we wake up in the morning, we are greeted with dozens and hundreds of choices…

But instead of taking advantage of it, we hide some of our dreams from ourselves. Because we are afraid, we avoid the bad things that might happen and we plan that Monday will be a better time.

Oops. Starting Monday will definitely be a better time for a change - I'll quit smoking, start studying for exams, open that self-help book I bought a long time ago, call that guy and ask him out, and buy a ticket to the city of my dreams...

Everything will change on Monday.

When Monday comes, of course, nothing changes by itself and we see that this was not the day. Well, work, friends, bad mood anyway... So we better leave it for Tuesday. ...Or for the weekend. Yes, now there is no time during those jobs, and you definitely don't want to postpone your dreams until Monday even further away on the weekend.

This is how our lives quickly turn into running away from action. The delay game. How much longer will I be able to put off my desires and the dreams I cherished as a teenager? Another month? One year? Forty-two?

...A fun game, isn't it?

No? Not fun? Is it not fun to be afraid, to hesitate, to run away from opportunities and to think about the fact that you are just standing still month after month?

You should learn to say fat "I put" and spit more often.

Because here's the news: the world is cruel.

So deal with it…

...And learn to live with the world instead of fighting it.

There are various troubles in life: when you fly to Italy on vacation, it rains all week, when you go to a seminar in Vilnius or Klaipėda, you find out that your expected speaker suddenly fell ill, and when you spend the weekend at home, you find out that there was a fun event in the city, where all your friends were.

There are times when, after starting a business, you realize that no one needs it at all and you just wasted your time and money while preparing. Sometimes, after 7 months of dating, you realize that you don't want to marry that person at all.

I understand it. Sometimes it really seems like the world is turning against us. But should you be angry about it? Should you worry about those evils? Should you give up at the first setback or disaster (even a car accident on the way to work) and accept it as a prison in your circumstances?

I think you shouldn't. Because it's not healthy.

  • It is not healthy to look for excuses every day instead of looking for solutions and answers.
  • It's not healthy to hide your displeasure under the mask of "I'm fine, don't talk to me." And not only because it is transparent.
  • It's not healthy when it's your turn to work and have to turn around and run just because it's your first time and you're so scared.
  • It's not healthy to accuse the world, the state, corporations, banks, or your parents of conspiring against you just because it's easier than telling yourself the truth that your actions are up to you.
  • It's not healthy to keep your anger and fears bottled up in your own juices, because sooner or later you'll boil them over and turn into that life-unsatisfied, useless retiree who blames everyone but yourself for your fate.
  • It is not healthy to imagine the glorious times when things were or will be better without doing anything to make the good times present. And no, old man from the fifth point, it was not better with the Russian and Lansbergis did not buy your fears to fight for himself. Your ignoble pension was the result of your (in)effort.

That's not damn healthy.

It is healthier to learn to say "I did" sometimes (or "hell", "fuck it", spit on the ground in silence or whatever you like best)... And after forgiving the environment for its faults, accept it as it is.

"As we also forgive those who trespass against us." - Prayer "Our Father", verse 8.

Because when you release guilt, release fears from their jobs in your heart, release tight belief muscles and relax, miracles happen. In those moments, real change happens. In those moments, something happens that would never happen in the life of a person unable to relax.

But I'll show it better with examples. Here are some areas of life where a little "dey" can help you, where it's better to stay moving.

First: In disputes with other people.

The Chinese people have the following saying: "River water does not try to talk over a stone, river water flows around it". And imagine that you got into an argument with such a rude, unpleasant and unfriendly person. Maybe even with a relative or (almost) loved one.

Yes, you can argue and prove your truths. You can try, pull your hair out of your head, prove that you are right, and the "sinner" in front of you is wrong...

...Or you can tell yourself "I did". And forgive. Give the fool a way.

You can be angry. Or you can forgive. Spit on other people's quarrels, anger and even try to understand their point of view and learn to live more peacefully. In the end, you might even realize that it was you who caused the quarrel.

You can be angry that your girlfriend (or boyfriend) left you, stole you, or previously had sex with some sexy Jew from Tel Aviv... Or you can say "fuck it, this is too much" and finally be happy that you didn't waste it wrong person all his life.

(By the way, this is exactly what happened to me. I could sense something was wrong when she said "Daniel, I have something to confess". 😉 )

And what is really better? Continuing to argue pointlessly just to ruin your "opponent's" day and feel a tiny bit of "victory" after winning the battle? Or maybe spit, find a compromise or accept actions without the influence of other people, in your own way?

I believe that you don't have to win all the battles to be a real winner. Just as the ancient Chinese empires did not fight the then invincible Mongol armies, but simply let them through the gates and bribed them with their civilization, so can you.

Second: In jobs you secretly hate.

I've never understood why some people try to do things they hate (or worse, hate and don't really care about) perfectly. And if you don't do it, you get nervous.

You know what kind of people and what jobs I'm talking about. These are:

  • Efforts to get top ten in mathematics or god-forgotten Lithuanian at school, even though your average is already the highest in the class.
  • Crying after the high school graduation exams, after getting 97 points instead of 100, which was really completely crazy and should have changed the rest of your life and the entire state of Lithuania.
  • The hassle of wrapping the perfect Christmas present for mom or grandparents, even though what's inside the package (or the words when delivering it) is more important than what color the paper is.
  • Or wasting half an hour writing a letter to your boss that the toilets are out of toilet paper after a thunderstorm.

Answer honestly - why try to do SUCH work perfectly?

Is it to satisfy some evaluators who at the end of life (and perhaps at Christmas) divide all boys, girls and all the rest into "good job" and "bad job"? ...Please spare yourself and don't do this.

Because believe me, if scientists and other developers were always trying to create something perfect, would they have created antibiotics (which were accidentally born in a forgotten mold plate) or the foundations of our computer programs that we use every day?

Medicines, computers, even Ferraris or babies are not ideal. But there is no need for ideality - the most important thing is that the work was done. And that now he can make the world happy.

There is the following Pareto principle: "20 % of work creates 80 % of value"

Instead of trying to do the job perfectly (or worse, being afraid of making a mistake and not even starting), it's better to listen to economists, entrepreneurs and artists who love this rule. And more often, allow yourself to say "oh shit, it's going to happen".

Because wasting energy on worthless works is foolishness and it's time to stop thinking that only perfect works achieve the goal.

It is enough for you to release good enough work to make a profit and make your friends happy, and the pursuit of perfection and perfectionism only hinders your personal growth and the opportunity to learn

Third: In search of your lifestyle and calling.

In the same way, you can listen to the suggestions of other, maybe even completely ignorant people, and live the lives they suggest. To listen to grandparents, parents, ugly grandma's neighbor, teachers at school or passers-by on the street.

After all, here in Lithuania, some actors like to put others down and make their pessimistic forecasts...

Or you can say "I put it on your mind" and still do what you want. Spit on depressing comments and prove that what you want to do can be done.

Because the world will not remember people who are afraid of their own dreams.

Does anyone remember that David Bagdonavičius, who at the age of 21 in his personal laboratory developed medicine for bees sick from chemical pollution? Does anyone remember that Rasa Užboviene, who photographed the wonderful nature of Lithuania as a teenager, and during her life she took such shots that Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain herself used to decorate the walls of the royal palace? Does anyone remember...

No. I don't remember. No one remembers them and hundreds of other people - because they lost their dreams. They came up with incredible ideas, they felt a unique fire in their hearts...

...But they got scared and did nothing.

David and Rasa, by the way, are not remembered because they are only imaginary people. I just made these stories up. And this is just another sign - what kind of world do we live in if we have to make up such stories? Why do some people (maybe you?) scare themselves?

You can fight. You can spit in the face of fear and take your place in the world.

Because without bun bakers, no one will be able to enjoy buns. Because without information system administrators, banks probably wouldn't work. Because without cleaners, toilets in universities and libraries would stink like collective farm barns.

And what, what is unusual for you as a guy to work as a manicurist, or unusual for you as a girl to be a civil engineer? So what if your height is unusual or you speak with a stutter? What is it? These are not problems - they are just advantages that will help you in creating advertising for your services.

Remember, the best advertising starts with "No one believed in me... And they were damn wrong."

And here are some more ideas...

  • Jumping from one found suspended 15 meters above the other. A few weeks ago, I visited the Bear's Foot near Kaunas, an adventure park with various suspended climbing routes. Here, on the most difficult track, my knuckles were shaking. Hands were shaking. The heart, it seems, wanted to return home after leaving the body hanging on the ropes, somewhere between two pine trees, at a height of 15 meters. And I could be afraid – or I could dance. I spat, trusted my legs and ropes, and danced. I crossed the track successfully.
  • When choosing a life partner. Half a year ago, one of my friends set me up on a blind date with another girl. Said I might like it. And... After an hour of communication with my possible future wife, I realized that no - nothing good will come of it. Domineering, playful and irritable, she is not the kind of girl I would enjoy hanging out with. So, I ended the date after another 10 minutes and focused on girls worthy of my attention.
  • Reading books. You can read all the way through what your friends have recommended and torture yourself doing it. Or you can stop counting crap, read 50 pages, see if it's still crap - and if so, then quit and read something more pleasant, fun, and interesting for you personally. Your friends didn't want to torture you, so be completely open with them.
  • When choosing which pizza to order. You can open the menu in a restaurant and think for hours about what to choose. Or you can choose something that is at least a little interesting - and simply taste it. To taste the pizza, not to marry it.

...And so on!

Here are some answers to frequently asked questions.

But doesn't this approach to life and philosophy make us indifferent monsters who spit on everything?

Short answer: it doesn't. Because I refer to triggering as "more often" a better practice, not "always". And that makes all the difference. Compare:

A) A life where you don't care about anything.

Where you lie drunk and hard-earned in your bed and want nothing from life, except to prophylactically dissuade your children, drink "real men's beer", fix your wife/husband, show your love for Putin in Delphi and occasionally vote for the labor party because you will get 10 euros.


B) A life where you care about everything except what doesn't matter.

This is a life where you can pay attention to the sour milk in the fridge and the idiot from option one... But you choose not to. And important things - love, respect, your family - remain the most important part of life.

It's the difference between complete indifference, and living with each other for the hell of it, which allows you to select the most important parts of life from the completely, utterly unimportant.

And what can I say to let go of my negative beliefs?

You really don't need to say anything. I, for example, don't say anything anymore - I simply breathe in, breathe out and... I forget. But while you are just starting to let go, then say what is acceptable to you. There is no hard and fast rule here, as it is just a principle.

Here are some options:

  • It's going to hell;
  • Well, to hell with it;
  • I put b*by;
  • Let it be;
  • Oh shit
  • Well, that's it;
  • I spat;
  • Well, it goes naaa-mo.

Or you can take a deep breath, hold your breath for a few moments, and then slowly exhale. Then forget your troubles and gather all the courage to do what you wanted to do before.

What if it is difficult for me to tell a loved one that I have heard their opinion, but I am not going to pay attention to it? What if I never had the courage to fight for my dreams, but I wanted to?

Then it's time to learn a new way of life. Close your eyes, inhale and exhale. Then spit on everything and take the first step.

Because if it's difficult for you, don't try to open up completely. My God, it's like learning to swim - don't try to dive in head first. Better just stick one little toe in. And see what happens.

I guarantee nothing bad will happen to you in the end.

You will not be eaten alive, no one will kill you with an ax (and if they hit you, call 112 as soon as possible). Yes, maybe a little annoyed that you suddenly dared not be a node anymore...

...However, next time you won't need to repeat your approach, because nothing will stop you anymore. You will gradually learn how to dive.

And what will happen if everyone starts talking, living and doing so easily? What will happen to the world then?

Then the world will be wonderful.

There will be no more anger that the cashier forgot to return the penny. Nobody will spoil the mood for others and yourself if sausages burn on the fire. You will be able to pursue your dreams. And everyone will live happily ever after.

Because the less you pay attention to insignificant things, the less you bring up your anger and intolerance, the better off you will be. And it will be better for everyone around you.

And I honestly say - I would really like it if we, Lithuanians, learned to let everything down more often. And live in the peaceful land of Mary.

Select Dynamic field

After all, it is much more pleasant to bathe in splashes than to be sad about water drops. Or not? And that's why we should learn to say "I did" more often. Because it will make our lives more wonderful, happier and otherwise better.

Saying "I did" can sometimes be the best we can do.

Well, now, a task for you, ONBO hero. Answer in the comments below, as other participants have already answered:

What thing has made you anxious, angry, nervous and worried recently? And from now on, will you start using the "I gave" principle more often so that it doesn't happen again?


  • I ate these tips as sweet as a chocolate bar after 3 months.
    Am I angry or worried because there is still something in my head that says, fuck, don't try to sleep, maybe tomorrow will be ok? What kind of idiots are here? I told him that you should go to them... and I did the opposite, of course not everything I planned worked out, but it's better to move forward a little bit.

  • Thanks for the tips. They're easy to read and even easier to share. But when you face the real situation, all "I put" somewhere evaporates. Well, unless it comes out spontaneously.

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