Remember that time you set an amazing goal and were so excited to tell everyone about it? Remember how a goal later started to feel like an obligation?
This has happened to me countless times. Just because I didn't know how to keep quiet and not tell anyone about my goals, it just happened.
...Of course, these days there are many specialists who say that in order to achieve a goal, you need to commit. 1 It is said that this way you will force yourself to work + you will get help from those around you.
But some interesting research suggests otherwise.
However, here lies the problem: not knowing who and how to express your dreams can only create more trouble. And these studies aren't even talking about the criticism you're sure to get.
It turns out that when you express your goals and dreams, you fall for someone...
First of all: You reduce your desire to work to the limit.
It turns out that people who publicize their goals loudly, much more often do not fully achieve their goals. Expressing your aspirations brings with it a sense of completion. And therefore the desire to continue the work is lost.
"People already know I'm into this" is an example of this sentiment. This is a particularly toxic mindset, because why keep working if everyone is already applauding you for how cool you are?
And public announcements on Instagram and Facebook to only semi-acquainted people are a great medium for promoting this feeling.
- You make up your mind that you want to be a better person.
- You announce that you have started sorting garbage.
- You are happy to receive attention, hearts, compliments.
- ...Really, why do you need to keep sorting that garbage? Well, well, you can... But after all, you probably started the challenge not because of your faith, but because of attention and recognition, or not?
I experienced the same feeling as soon as I posted about mine a month without garbage results... 🙂
...One of today's most prolific creatives, Derek Sivers 6 presents this idea in more detail in his TED talk:
Secondly: You imprison yourself in past decisions.
When you say your goals out loud, sometimes you also set a deadline. It's not bad, deadlines help you get things done... But the problem comes when you set a goal and see that it is difficult to implement in time.
And it happens. You promise to do it, and only after you start you realize that, ooooiiiiii... I'm going to be a little late. Or a lot. And now I can't do other things either. And everything burns.
Chrono-optimism is one of the biggest problems in creating new challenges for yourself. And while it helps Elon Musk raise more money from investors, because the optimism is addictive, working only for yourself... Well, you see how it works.
Another problem is sometimes only after starting to achieve the goal you see that you would not be happy in the end. You thought that everything would work out, but in reality it seems that... Well... 💩 it turns out.
And what happens to such obstacles?
- It is clear to you that you need to change course - abandon the goal or change it completely.
- However, it is not clear to others.
Of course, you can then explain to each of those people... But some of them will still, even after five years, hang around ooooo why did you stop doing that? Well, you wouldn't be such a loser if you had already...
Familiar, isn't it? 😀
However, if your goal is yours, it has the right to deal with it as it wishes.
Thirdly: You trick yourself into doing something.
One of my biggest hobbies is planning. Planning doesn't have to be complicated to feel like you've done the work. Just relax... Share ideas with your friends...
...And do that the plan.
Another one. After all, it's good to have a second plan, isn't it? There is no shame in stock! And, you know, maybe now I will draw that plan visually. And now I will use all of them 5 time planning methods and I will put everything in the calendar.
And now, you know, I'll talk to my friends and mom. They are not specialists, but maybe they will give you some advice. You know, you have to ask?
This is how my plans wall in the study looked in 2015. Guess all the planning paid off... 🤦♂️
Fourthly: Open yourself up to doubt.
Not all people will understand you. And I'm not talking about useful criticism to learn from... But partly also about her. Every moment you spend doubting is a moment you don't spend trying.
However, admit that you know best about the idea - what you will do and how.
And there is no shortage of "experts" who will find 394+ reasons why it will fail. They will explain through "logical" thinking and their 30 years of experience. Your parents or grandparents are not your enemies. They just don't know the whole situation.
Well, if the doubt seems worthy of attention to you...
- Set a smaller goal! Just a little experiment!
- Look what happens.
- If everything is fine, move on. If not, it's good that you doubted and didn't immediately set a huge goal, as I am, by mistake, I did.
It gets easier, doesn't it?
...What to do? Tell your goals only where and when it will be useful. Don't tell anyone.
Posting goals is, in principle, not a bad thing. It's just important...
Why: For a group of like-minded people.
If you want to get the most out of the advice - listen to people who have been in your shoes recently.
- Those who experienced your problems 10+ years ago are already living differently. The memory is not so good that they remember exactly what they were doing then, and even more so, life was completely different then.
- Those who never had your problem can just fantasize.
For example, if you are looking for a job, someone can recommend you "send an illustrated CV". 20 years ago it worked because there was no photoshop in those days. Today, unfortunately, different techniques would be needed. And what exactly - I can't recommend, because I can't even imagine what exactly works today!
...See? You need people who have recently solved your problem. Let's call that group of people the Mastermind group.
How to find it?
- Open your Facebook or Instagram. In your mind, go through other catalogs of people you know.
- See someone who recently overcame your problem?
- Ask him for help! 7
- Repeat with a few more people so that the advice is not one-sided.
Continue to communicate with these people and in time you will gather a circle of acquaintances. Invite everyone to meet. Enjoy the company. Enjoy useful, practical, honest advice.
...What if you don't know people who have recently gone through your problem?
- Ask on Facebook, Instagram, in the comments of this article - maybe someone knows and let them direct you to that person.
- Check out Facebook groups - there are groups for even very niche areas!
- If you work with serious businesses, visit BNI. There are live communities for other purposes as well - just search and visit. I recommend watching it Facebook events, you will definitely find something.
- Just go, say hello, ask someone you know.
Maybe you won't find the right people soon. It happens. Especially if your problem area is very niche. So the second part is also important...
How: By the way.
Your desire to share your dreams should not be your main desire. Don't tell about the goals until you start working towards them, don't tell if you feel that the story will become more pleasant than the work.
After all, your goal is the point. Not a story about him.
...Or not? 😉
As in the book and the movie "The Secret" or from Lithuanian Olympic track cyclist S. Krupeckaitė's lips.↩
Published in Personality and Social Psychology magazine "Subgoals as substitutes or complements: The role of goal accessibility".↩
The aforementioned Peter Gollwitzer "When Intentions Go Public: Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap?".↩
Yes, what's the worst that can happen? After all, nothing! Just ask and that's it.↩