Goal of the day: 231 words. Written: 1192.
What is love, what is love? This song has been playing in my ears for half an hour.
...The question you asked "What is love?" ...has been ringing for two days.
That question, "What is love?", which I asked myself more than three years ago... It still rings true today. Maybe it's not for nothing that the YouTube remix of this song lasts 10 hours - an eternity on the scale of the internet?
I remember asking myself this question three years ago. I don't remember exactly when it was - before or after my first girlfriend. But I do remember that the first time I thought about it was at a lecture by Darius Ražauskas in Kaunas, in the Sleeping Elephants Hall, near the Resurrection Church.
I asked myself this question.
I couldn't think of an answer. So I wrote the question down.
After a while, I forgot the question. Naturally. I don't know - maybe I fell in love with some girl again and the question was forgotten?
Another moment I remember is when I opened an old notebook, a year after I wrote the question, and saw it again. Then I was surprised that I had asked myself this question. And I tried to answer it again. I still have not found the answer.
Is it because I haven't come up with the answers?
No, you don't. I've come up with more than one answer. The only problem was that none of them seemed right. Solid enough. Real enough. After a while, I forgot the question again. Maybe I fell in love again.
(Isn't it ironic that it is when we fall in love, or rather when we fall in love and immerse ourselves in what we call love, that we forget what seem to be the right questions for the moment?)
I don't know how many times this has happened. But I do know that it was enough to notice the repetition. And I have noticed that I cannot find an answer.
I wonder - what will you say? Maybe YOUR answer will be the one that will consolidate my thoughts and write a new definition in my memory?
Well, do you want to know what I have come up with?
As this is a letter (as you can see), I can't hear your answer. But I suspect that you are interested - after all, I already know that you like to read what I write.
Here are the answers to the enduring question "What is love?".
(What is love, what is love...)
Answer 1: Love is simply a feeling that exists.
For some people, the fact that love exists is enough. It seems. Love exists. It comes when it wants to. It comes when you least expect it. When you see a pretty girl. Or a boyfriend. Or a small child.
Ei. No. Not a small child! You paedophile! Fui!
*costel*
(Although - what's wrong with loving a small child?)
Love is. And all you can do is enjoy it, because you can't control it and you can't master it. You only live once. #TGTK. #YOLO. Enjoy the feeling because it is there.
...I was not satisfied with this answer. I needed something more. I was always asking "Why?" a child who loved to ask. And I looked further.
Answer 2: Love is the happiness He gave us.
God is love. Christians love this phrase. Vedic followers, Buddhists, and even, I guess, Muslims love the phrase too.
Because why not like it?
Love is a wonderful feeling that comes when you don't expect it. And it's so pleasant. Clearly it is a divine gift, what more!?
God is love. This phrase, however, stuck out to me.
I don't know, maybe because I've always liked to look into the meanings of words and sentences? God is love. So love is God. Logical? Logical. Love exists (it seems) - therefore God exists. And vice versa. Logical? Logical.
...But what if God does not exist and we are all just the result of a random chemical and physical experiment? Does that mean that love doesn't exist either?
But... It does exist! Obviously!? I feel it from time to time, under the thunder!
...Or what do I feel? What is it?
Answer 3: Love is a combination of chemicals in our heads.
A very popular theory is that love is just a biological engine for our race, humans, to reproduce and thus survive.
It's really simple:
First...
You see a handsome guy/girl whom your brain judges to be suitable for mating - handsome, athletic, with signs of wealth, power and authority.
I won't go into the criteria this time, but it's traditional - big boobs and butt for the girls; muscles and a big long snake in the trousers for the guys.
Logical.
The second...
Your brain sends you a very fast signal: 'Go! Go! You must impregnate (be impregnated by) that girl (that guy). Make lots of little YOU's!".
You fall in love.
(That's a good English expression - "falling in love". It's appropriate.)
The third...
You rush to communicate. You feel joy, curiosity, excitement, that special feeling of warmth - your hormones kicking in and sending you everything you have to pair up with the person you see, no matter what.
Adolescents get the biggest hormonal jolts. Later on, they wane with age as the body (the brain) starts to "lose hope" - basically, it starts to think your body is too old for mating. Which, as you know, is true.
(Remind me when the topic of conversation is - is it a good thing that we spent our most passionate adolescence not fucking anyone? ...Or rather, is it good that I experienced it? You lost your virginity at 16 or 17, by my reckoning?)
*Here Daniel is doing maths to check his guess. He continues where he left off.*
The fourth...
You're fucking around with your "love of your life". The brain starts sending another chemical - again, I can't remember the name, but it's specific.
How? Because it acts like a drug. When the first chemicals gave you happiness to pair up... this one gives you an addiction to that feeling of happiness. You want to fuck. A lot. And experience happiness at the same time. A lot of happiness.
And you experience it all.
When the happiness chemical runs out, I don't know. I have just googled if there is a correlation between couples breaking up and 9 months after their unexpected love, but I did not find anything on the first page.
All I know is that for a month, sometimes two or three, sometimes even half a year after the break-up, the effect is felt. Even if you didn't have much sex with your loved one.
This is why we feel the urge to return to the embrace of our ex for a month or two or more. The duration is different for each person - you said you started to feel better after two to three months. I felt better after a month. I'm just not sure what the duration of post-addiction depends on.
The specifics of this chemical are to keep you in the couple until the child is born (as a minimum - after all, the pregnant woman is the most vulnerable) and, preferably, until it is grown. Then there comes a time when you are no longer fertile and everything works out - you can go your own way.
Well, we could. Before Christianity and weddings. But that's another topic.
Fifth... Aaa... Fifth...
Eventually, chemical love ends. The good old "I hate you, but we're married, so let's pretend we love each other" life begins.
It's a bit sad. But that's how our bodies work.
But are we not slaves to our bodies?
Answer 4: Love is caring for others.
I don't know what you wrote in your letter, but I guess it's your version. You have already written quite a lot about it. I wouldn't be surprised.
Love is caring for others, according to still other people. Especially the ancient Greek philosophers Aristotle and Plato. According to them, love has enough languages - from caring for friends, family and children, to admiration and passion for others. But it all boils down to caring and wanting to help.
"I want others to feel happy... I want to feel happy myself" is a phrase that describes the attitude of people who like this answer.
(It's a pity, though, that most of them only remember the first part of the phrase and gloss over the second, thus making themselves into heroes of some sort. Even though they themselves often know they are not.)
Love is caring. Love is about being together. Love is helping. Simple.
But which is the right answer? Is it?
I have listed the four answers that came to my mind. Four answers that I believed and lived by. Four answers that I wrote down and repeated to others.
But which one is correct? Is there even one?
And which answer do I believe now?
Good questions. The answers to which, unfortunately, I will leave for another time.
Because now my eyes are getting blurry, and I don't want to double the length of an already record-long letter (this one is already 1200 words - twice as long as my longest!). I know you would love to read it. But I will answer that question better in a separate paragraph.
So, what did you say in your letter? 😉
Exploring love,
Daniel