This is what kind of girls I'm attracted to... And am I not normal?

365 texts fiction love
Reflections and drafts

Goal of the day: 209 words. Written: 617.

Ever since the first night my little friend woke up, I have had a dream.

"I had a dream", as Martin Luther King said.

...Only unlike Martin, it was a dream in the literal sense.

I don't remember what I dreamt the first time, but the characters are recurring in my dreams. Not necessarily the same ones, but all similar in appearance and actions.

In one of them I dreamt of a girl on the steps of the Žilinskas Picture Gallery in Kaunas. It was a red-haired girl who seemed to be reading a book. Then she took out her camera and took a picture of the rococo architectural signs that somehow appeared in the centre of Kaunas.

The other was a short-haired, blonde, thin girl with green or blue eyes, lying high in a meadow and watching the clouds. She was laughing, and dandelions were blooming all around.

In the third, again a redhead, with slightly longer hair, almost to her shoulders, she was the girl in the library, frozen in time.

How are these dreams similar?

Obviously: all those girls were a bit boyish.

A bit like me and a bit not so much. They were brave girls who were not afraid be different. It was only ten years later that I noticed the similarities.

But here's what I wonder - are my dreams normal?

Yes, I am a daffodil. And I'm a thinker. Put the two together - I like to think about myself. To compare myself. To analyse myself. To check myself to see if I have finally fallen out of the limits of humanity.

Humans are basically simple animals.

Designed for reproduction. Designed to expand. Like viruses, we want to expand our domain and make more copies of ourselves. As many as possible. And the "reptile brain" - the most primitive and lowest, gene-based, survival brain - tries to make it all happen.

They observe simple patterns: men with power can defend the family. Women with big tits and butts are fertile. Men with muscles and big dicks are also quite fertile. Women with long hair are healthy and will survive to the moment of weaning.

And the reptile brain controls our feelings. For many men and women, especially at the time of adolescence, it is the most dominant brain.

Why do you think teenage boys talk about boobs and cats (not animals), imitate sex sounds and otherwise look for the genetically most suitable partner? Why are teenage girls eagerly showing off their breasts and wiggling and rubbing their bottoms, in a completely subconscious way to show that they are ready?

The purpose of all this is simple: to extend the human family as quickly, efficiently and successfully as possible. Unsightly individuals are weak and therefore not worthy of survival. The beautiful are strong, and therefore destined to survive.

And here's the question... Why do I like girls who seem to be neither fertile nor good at raising children? After all, the girls I dreamt of (no, not the logical ones, but the ones who were brainwashed by the same reptilian brain) were... Not even feminine?

They didn't have big boobs (my biggest fantasy was actually, I think, "medium" size. They looked huge to me). They didn't have big rear bumpers. They did not have long hair. And they didn't look like my mother. Or whatever Freud was thinking there.

I have to admit, I have no idea why I like the girls the way I do. I don't understand it at all. Even now, I am writing this reflection in the hope of coming to a logical conclusion, but I am not succeeding.

Here I am thinking - I've never been the kind of guy who would fantasise about going out and knocking up the first girl who came along. Not because I was brought up that way or anything (I doubt it can be taught), and probably because I've always been grey and asexual. Someone who, unless they know the person, cannot really imagine the act.

But what does this have to do with my taste in women? How? Where is the logic? I do not see it. I used to be a thinking and rather withdrawn teenager. Does that have anything to do with it? It doesn't seem to.

So here's my question for the future - why do I like the kind of girls I used to dream about as a teenager... and the kind of girls I'm now logically trying to meet?

Is there logic in this and is my reptile brain just different from most brains? Or am I some kind of special individual who is doomed to die? Perhaps my reptilian brain is leading me to survival as some kind of true tribal leader? Or maybe I am creating a new tribe of people who will have to overcome those who like standards?

Evolution and genes are the devil's drug. I haven't realised it since I was a teenager.

Reflecting on sexuality,

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