Science and Religions Say: Forgive others if you want to be happy

Debesylian stories

Do you know the ONE thing that would make the world about 400% better? I know. And although it may seem elementary, it is sorely lacking in our lives.

For the first time the combination of words "peaceful people" I heard a few months ago when I visited a non-traditional Montessori school. The teacher we interviewed explained that one of their goals is to educate peaceful people. This was the idea of Maria Montessori, the founder of this educational system.

I may have heard this phrase before, but this time it stuck with me. I was surrounded by teachers who loved their work, understood the importance of educating children and felt their dedication to raising a better generation.

NEW: You can also listen to the article - voiced by a girl from Debesy Justina Pilkaitė:

It has been some time since visiting the school...

The thought of peaceful people never left my mind. First of all, of course, I thought: Am I a peaceful person?

I don't like aggression, anger and stress. When a conflict breaks out, I never attack another person, I try to find a civilized, cultural way out of an unpleasant situation. And only when my patience runs out, I start thinking about other methods. I consider myself a peaceful person. 

But what is a peaceful person?

How does he live? What features does it have? What are the thoughts in his mind? How do you react to difficult situations and what solutions do you choose?

Of course, peace in this age is not the same as it was a few hundred years ago. We don't need to defend ourselves from thugs who, after stealing the cows, also rape the eldest daughter. Peace does not come from the fact that bandits passed through your farm after all.

Modern peace is all about the little things. The little things we do in our daily lives in our interactions with those around us every day.

I would describe peaceful people as calm, self-confident, loving and respectful of nature and everything related to it, friendly, compassionate and sincere.

These are the qualities that separate a nice person from someone most people would shy away from.

What do we really want?

I think there is no doubt about the kind of society we would like to live in. And if someone still has doubts about this, and thinks that living among peaceful people would not be interesting, and therefore does not want to have anything to do with hippies, Buddhists and altruists, I suggest asking yourself this question:

If you had to move, which town would you choose?

Town A

  • The kind where everyone surrounds themselves with high fences, keeps pistols under their pillows and fights with their fists?
  • In which neighbors do not trust each other?
  • Who can call out for the slightest mistake?

Town B

  • Or maybe one where people greet you, wish you nothing bad, come to negotiate when disagreements arise and offer a compromise?
  • Where they trust each other because they have no reason not to?
  • Where people are naturally friendly and strive for the common good?

I know which one I would choose.

And yes, I realize it only sounds nice on a computer screen. No one has ever seen or heard of such a peaceful town that built itself and inhabited only by peaceful people. It is probably impossible for such a place to exist. There will always be one evil person everywhere who will mess things up and spread negativity.

However, there are communities that have been deliberately established to live peacefully and without anger. The closest one to us is right here in Lithuania - Indrajas Namai.

And prejudice does not help.

There are people in my environment who rarely see a way out of life's "tossing and turning" without conflict. If the mobile company has calculated the bill incorrectly, they must:

  1. Damn that company.
  2. He will call and express his dissatisfaction.
  3. Even after the employee explains everything and corrects the mistake, they will still talk about the situation with all their friends.

Such people, for some reason, never seek a peaceful solution in the first place. They are convinced that nothing will be achieved by communicating with institutions or their employees.

...They believe that they are always and everywhere being cheated or exploited.

But is this really true? Or maybe it's just the inner world of a person who longs for conflicts and opportunities to show their supremacy against some institution, service provider?

Of course, these are just a few examples. There are also smaller disagreements, which non-peaceful people, however, do not want to resolve with a nice one.

By being open with ourselves, we avoid internal conflicts and remorse.

I have also had cases when I was angry with certain institutions and employees because of various inconsistencies or poor quality of services. I ran out of patience when I started explaining everything, but I never once lost my self-control and I'm happy about that.

Now I am not ashamed of my actions, because I did not spoil the person sitting on the other end of the line to a person moods or even whole days.

Oh, in the end, and the matter itself turned out to be just a misunderstanding or was corrected. You have to remember that there is a real person sitting on the other end of the phone who is just doing his job. 1 He also has the limits of patience, he too can be offended and get on his nerves.

Therefore, a peaceful person will never attack a bank employee who is only doing his job, that is, serving customers over the phone, because such a person does not want to harm another person and spoil his mood.

Do not do unto others what...

I often get comments that I am naive. There is some truth in that. But I am also peaceful. Where to draw the line between peacefulness and naivety?

  • If I sympathize with a stranger who didn't do his job perfectly and put an error in my order because I think "he might be going through a tough time," am I naive?
  • If the owner of the apartment did not sign a new internet contract on time and because of this I am forced to use very slow internet, but I do not attack him, but simply listen to the explanation calmly and understand that he is only human, am I naive because of this?
  • If the cashier doesn't say "hello" and "goodbye" to me when I greet her kindly, but continues to scan the goods with a sour face, and I just think: maybe she's in pain... Am I naive?

Of course, all those people could be just plain lazy and totally give a shit about their jobs and the people they serve.

...But it's this kind of behavior that makes me choose to break this horrible cycle and to be naive, but peaceful, and influence those around you by your example.

Well, let's say we're peaceful…

What's next? What's the point? Maybe others are doing just fine without trying to be peaceful. Of course, we all know such people. But is it really good to be peaceful? Or could it be better?

The most peaceful people in the world are probably Buddhists. Buddhism teaches that true happiness comes from a person's inner peace. If a person's thoughts are peaceful, any external stimuli will not disarm him, but if a person's thoughts are disturbed or angry, nothing will make him happy.

Anger destroys inner peace.

And these are not old-fashioned clothes. This is also confirmed by the analyzes of scientists, such as, for example, these by the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Numerous studies show a link between a peaceful and compassionate lifestyle and happiness.

Labels can be applied, calling others hippies and naïves or even labeling them as Buddhists. And you can simply choose to be peaceful so that there is at least one more peaceful person in the world.

Peaceful people:

  • Experiences less stress.
  • Not angry, aggressive.
  • Love yourself and others.
  • Experiences many positive emotions.
  • Copes with difficult situations more easily.
  • Takes responsibility for your actions.
  • Has a larger circle of friends.


Does it pay to be peaceful?

I, having gathered the courage, will return to the Montessori school and shake the hand of the teacher who is trying to raise peaceful children, a peaceful new generation.

I am happy to know that someone understands the importance of peace and is trying to change at least a small part of this world for the better.

We don't need bullies in the streets and gossipers in the shops. We really don't need sour faces in every public office and rude bus drivers. We just need to remember that we are equal. We all want a pleasant everyday life and friendliness around us. We want to be greeted with a smile and see you off with it.

So why not start with yourself?

I declare war on evil men and women, and against every piercing look or rude answer I will fight with a smile and a good mood.

I invite you to join me! 🙂

- Milena Kolesinskaitė

  1. I know how worn out this phrase is...

  • I know that as the author of Debesyla, it might not be appropriate for me to praise the articles here...

    …But god – I can't help it! I really, really liked it! :))

    • You're a cool guy. Great and very relevant topic today. You need peace with yourself first.

  • Great article! Believe it or not, but you definitely become happier when you are at peace first of all with yourself and then with the whole world. :)

  • Applicability is a very good feature. But if the author asks if it's naivety...kind of yes. I would even call it "convenience". That's the only way you become comfortable for everyone but yourself. It is not evil or ugly to demand that the service be provided with quality, that the pizza on the plate is not soggy, that the doctor explains more precisely the process of treating the disease, and so on endlessly. And you can request it politely, without scandals or eye-rolling. It's called self-respect - I understand you, but I also respect myself. 🙂

    • I already wanted to thank the author for mentioning naivety next to peacefulness. And you, Heaven, named the situation even more clearly. We will no longer survive in this world with peace alone... Peace + peaceful self-esteem - that's the formula I like the most 🙂

  • When I read such texts or encounter such a situation on the street, the statement "it was better with a Russian..." usually pops up in front of my eyes. Can't you see that this is mostly still a backlash to what our country had to go through over 25 years ago? And the biggest problem is that it is still sometimes transmitted to those young children who have to grow up with those tendencies that may have once "harmed" their parents.

    Perhaps the latest example of (un)happiness caught us at the beginning of 2015. While in the first weeks the young (new) generation was happy with the new money, its more modern appearance and its potential benefits due to closer integration with the Western market, the retirement age elite (or people who avoid any kind of change anyway) resisted and resented the new system. And the worst thing is that they were angry not only at their formed worldview, which does not want to change, but at the same time they were angry and blamed completely useless people who are simply the main workhorses of the new system.

    Here, one can only think what would have happened if anger, but not peace, would have been tolerated at that time by postal workers, bank branches, and a bunch of cashiers who were surrounded every day by many citizens, reluctantly giving away their last litas and incredulously accepting fresh euros. And if you are a representative of those old values, how can you not try to prove that you were deceived! Well, then it doesn't matter anymore that your unreasonable ambitions and anger destroy the self-esteem of a helpless person and demand that you not be the same jerk to anyone else standing in the same row behind you.

    However, such people are really decreasing 🙂 But maybe I wouldn't call all this as a search for peace and naivety, but simply tolerance and mutual understanding for each other. It's just sometimes enough to understand that the reason for a penny higher phone bill or a poorly applied promotion in the store is not the fault of the "sponge" sitting in front of you, but perhaps an error that has crept in due to the carelessness of the programmer. Of course, sometimes a "sponge" soaked in the anger of others can make mistakes, but probably not because she wanted to, but because someone broke her self-confidence.

    In other words, any unfounded criticism and anger towards others will usually not do any good, but will only spoil the mood of the environment around you. So, as the author of the text also claims, peace, naivety or the same tolerance at any moment will surely become a more important spice of life, pushing us forward, and not into global depression 🙂

    • John, my goodness, you are about to become a professional critic of the Cloud articles. 😀 I won't be able to share every one of your powerful comments! Great observations! :))

      PS I'm serious. You could write a pretty good blog if you haven't written one yet. And not necessarily, I guess, about Cloud 😉

  • Mother Teresa said if you want peace, you should go to a rally for peace, not against war. What we are fighting against, we are simply giving that phenomenon our energy to thrive.

    • I have always admired Jidu Krishnamurthys, who speaks in a similar way - the conflict already begins in the very thinking, feeling... and this is immediately a defeat.... In order for this not to happen, we should simply change a lot, realizing the deep, essential characteristics of our being, the structure of human society, the historicity.... Realize that not very intelligent organization of humanity that hinders spiritual development by stuffing fake traditions, fake connections, wrong dogmas, beliefs... Everything that makes us dependent on many invisible spider webs that prevent us from being free, intelligent, Truth-seeking beings

  • In conflict/social situations, you can remain calm only with yourself, because you know that you have done everything to maintain mutual respect, but you have had to face a situation where you see that you maintain respect for yourself and the other, but still the other side is prone to conflict. Especially when it comes to the service sphere. If the pizza is fried/the doctor doesn't explain the treatment process, I call it a lack of professionalism. The peaceful one who has not yet started the fight wins.

  • A very good article, a correct approach to phenomena...and VERY relevant...Walking on the path of spiritual development, you can always stumble on many obstacles, stones...difficult experiences...And we often give up, seeing no way out and losing hope...It's good that there are Clouders, where can recover and realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that you are not alone in fighting the mills….And that the fight can be won, …before it starts…

    • After all, it is expressed figuratively. Do you think that a peaceful person should not even use such words? 🙂

  • First you need to be at peace with yourself, and then there will be peace for the whole world. Need to start changing 🙂

  • Sometimes I also think that I am naive, but I will continue to smile and enjoy life 🙂

  • The article is correct indeed, thanks to its author(s). Well, I have my inner peace. She is unmoved when I am with my family members. But the day comes when you have to go out into the world around you. Then, from time to time, there are people who spit on our peace and they behave as in the situations described in the article. Then my inner peace fades away or doesn't remain at all... 🙁

    How can I protect my inner peace? How to develop it in such a way that it becomes unbitten by those around it?

    • If the other person emits negative energy, says something unpleasant, provokes or tries to offend/hurt, the following things help me:

      1. I mentally remind myself that people who are happy don't act like that. Therefore, an angry person is simply an unhappy person. And the unhappy person is not fully conscious, so he should be forgiven for the way he behaves.

      2. I remember cases when I myself was angry and tried to mentally return to that feeling in order to understand how the person "attacking" me feels. Then I calm down and look at the situation a little more calmly. (You can also try soothing another person)

      There is probably no such thing as completely indestructible inner peace... but you can try to remind yourself every time, train yourself. The most important thing is to realize that most of the time people are angry because they are in pain. And such a person can really sympathize and understand 🙂

  • Very good article!! Trying to think! Especially for me!!! But why do I understand that doing so is wrong!! But sometimes I can't help myself…

  • Thank you, Milena! Really good article! Honestly, if you write more articles, it would be great to read them :))

  • Very positive article and smart thoughts. I am glad that I fit the description of a peaceful person in most cases.

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