I know the feeling. You met such a wonderful person. You went on a few dates. Maybe you even kissed or did this and that more...
...And then you heard "it's better to just stay friends".
What to do?
Well, there are a few facts:
- No one has to love you. You agree with that, don't you?
- So she/he doesn't have to love you either. It's true, isn't it?
- Just because you like them doesn't mean you should like them back. It's a fact, isn't it?
- If you try to force her to do something with you - even if it's a "better option" - that's rape. I think you would also agree that you would not want to be coerced and forced to do something against your will. Or not? Especially a person who is not attractive to you.
- People have different tastes. You like some people more than others. Or not? After all, you're intoxicated with her precisely because she stands out - right?
- The fact that you don't like person X doesn't mean that you won't like Y. And if you don't like a whole group of people (let's say classmates or...), it doesn't mean that you won't find someone, maybe somewhere else, who will love and accept you. You do realize that's true, don't you?
- You don't have to be in a relationship right now. Are you going to die now? A person without water dies after a few days. Without food - after a month. A person does not die without a partner. Just.
- Just because you don't have a partner doesn't mean you're a worse person. After all, some people have partners, but are still the worst abominations. I think it's obvious - you know such ugly people, even with a pair - don't you?
So, now, what are you talking about?
I've been on over 100 dates in the last 5 years... I've heard "No" many, many, many times. Often I clearly didn't hear him - these people just ran away...
…I used to ask my friends - why? Am I bad?
They said no.
But the dating partners ran away. Hey, strawberry, you're not for me. You seem to already be looking for a partner, and I'm just not looking for a relationship right now... Or not. I want a different man.
But one day I met HER.
I didn't think anything would work out with her. I was frustrated with dating. I agreed to meet her simply because I happened to be in the part of town where she lives that day anyway. I sat in a cafe with a cup of cappuccino and waited for her. She came. I wouldn't say fabulously beautiful. It just came and that's it. We talked with her about the recent presidential election, but the conversation kept drifting somewhere else... But I liked it. I felt good. At that time, looking at her (eyes, nose, forehead, wrinkles, chest, fingers...) I did not think that I would like to make love to her.
We agreed to meet next time.
We met and went for a walk around the city galleries. I wanted to give my mother a picture, so I was looking for a nice one. SHE helped. It was fun with her.
A few more meetings, walks, dates in various corners of the city...
I just became friends with her.
I entered the "Friend Zone" again. But at this point I became of my own accord. Not because I pounced on her and wanted to kiss her, and she didn't want it. I painted because she was simply a pleasure to communicate with. SHE was a good friend!!!
One day we climbed onto the roof of an abandoned building in the center of the city. The city was going to demolish this building soon, because they wanted to enjoy the scenery...
…Huddled together we looked at the city. We fell silent.
Then I turned to her, took her cheek with my palm, turned to myself and... Closing my eyes, I leaned in to kiss her. She leaned towards me.
Contact.
Today, you know, I think that in the past my relationships never started, because inside I was looking for a deeper connection - something deeper - but when I was dating, I would fight first. For the women I met then, that was the most interesting thing. We used to fight. And when I said I wanted more, they disappeared.
I was looking for depth, but I was following the path of passion.
No... Today I understand that if I wanted a DEEP relationship, I had to start with him. Find someone I want to be just friends with. And enjoy it. And then, if you want, IF BOTH OF YOU WANT, maybe take it and offer yourself as a romantic partner. to kiss
You know what's most important here?
- I stopped raping women who wanted to "just be friends" with me, but they didn't want those friendships either. Because if they don't want it, they don't want it. Nothing wrong here. We are all human. You and I don't want to be friends with everyone either, do we? 🙂
- I admitted to myself that I don't want to piss - I want a deep connection. That's why I stopped slipping into my underwear on the third date. I started to connect with women the way I want to - deeply. I want to go deep, so that's what I did. Inevitably I found someone who wanted it too!
- However, when I felt that I was starting to feel passion, I showed it. If she had said "No" - it's okay - after all, she and I are just damn good friends anyway! But she said "Yes", so... I guess you understand that good things happen in both cases? That you don't need to be afraid to show your feelings if you are happy one way or another?
Leaving the "Friend Zone" is not forced. There is no temptation. There are no endless invitations to "interesting" dates. God, there is no running and trying to look attractive and mysterious.
What to do if you want to leave the "Friend Zone"?
Spend time with people you just wish you were friends with.
From which friendships you get so much and you get enough that you don't want to worry about the mythical "Friend Zone". Forget that zone. It's just nonsense - when you rape another (admit it) and still cry about it. It's nonsense, isn't it?
Of which friendship is enough for you, so that "let's just be friends" doesn't mean some kind of curse. With whom it would mean that nothing would change, so it would be... Just as cool!!!
...By the way, what if you just want to feel the passion, kiss, caress, have fun, and you're not looking for a deeper connection?
It's not bad 🙂 Keep it up.
And if you're looking for a deeper connection - a partner - don't start with passion.
That's all. Have a good time in the friend zone!
