{"id":4168,"date":"2014-08-04T12:30:11","date_gmt":"2014-08-04T09:30:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/?p=4168"},"modified":"2021-07-21T19:10:04","modified_gmt":"2021-07-21T16:10:04","slug":"geriausia-nesitiketi-nieko","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/2014\/best-not-to-meet-anything\/","title":{"rendered":"Optimists and pessimists are wrong<del>:<\/del> <i>It is best not to expect anything<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Have you noticed how much stress, anger and frustration are born from seemingly small things? Such small things? I have noticed. And I believe that those negative emotions are caused by our hopes.<\/p>\n<p>After all, we expect new things every day:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How a loved one will appreciate the gifts,<\/li>\n<li>How we will be assessed in exams or at work,<\/li>\n<li>A new photo on Facebook will get as many \"likes\" as a new photo,<\/li>\n<li>What the weather should be like on tomorrow's journey,<\/li>\n<li>How will the series you're watching end?<\/li>\n<li>How will the pancakes turn out the first time...<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>...Or something like that and so on.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But do your hopes often come true?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(I guess your answer is short and consists of two letters.)<\/p>\n<p>In my short life, I have experienced this thousands of times. When things didn't go as I planned, I was angry at myself, my surroundings and everything in sight. And it happened again and again.<\/p>\n<p>You know the feeling, don't you?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\"Aha, I know this frustration... But where are you going?\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The funny thing is that I found the solution to this problem of my unfulfilled hopes by accident. It happened when I started reading my old unfulfilled plans and dream lists two years ago.<\/p>\n<h2>Wait, you don't expect anything?!<\/h2>\n<p>Hope may not look bad at first glance. After all, maybe if I hope for something good, I will get it? Maybe it will work <a title=\"The secret is in the book!\" href=\"http:\/\/markmanson.net\/the-secret\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Secret Magic<\/a> and attract money, success and the gold that lies beneath the earth with my thoughts?<\/p>\n<p>Well, mathematically speaking, there is a chance. But, as I was taught by a KTU professor <a title=\"B. Burgis - have you heard of it!?\" href=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/search?q=bronislovas+burgis\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Bronislovas Burgis<\/a> <a href=\"#footnote-1-4168\" id=\"note-1-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">1<\/a> - Is it worth losing your sanity and buying instant lottery tickets because of zero chance?<\/p>\n<p>Here are two reasons why it's usually worth throwing hope out of the window and putting a piano on top...<\/p>\n<h3><em>First:<\/em> Unfortunately, your hopes are not destined to come true.<\/h3>\n<p>I don't know what you do and will do; I don't know how you live or the names of your friends. But I do know that your hopes are not destined to come true. Or rather, at least the way you hope.<\/p>\n<p>What are you hoping for? What are you waiting for? What do you know will happen?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\"Hope is the mother of fools.\" Lithuanian folk proverb<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>...Admit it - do you really know?<\/p>\n<p>Think back to the journeys you used to look forward to. Did they happen exactly as you planned? Were the recommended places really that interesting? Were the people you met as you expected?<\/p>\n<p><strong>...Did you get as much rest as you wanted on your holiday?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Investors <a href=\"#footnote-2-4168\" id=\"note-2-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">2<\/a> the rise and fall of hopeless hopes every day. And they profit from it - someone hopes stocks will rise, someone hopes they will fall. Nobody knows in advance who will win. <a href=\"#footnote-3-4168\" id=\"note-3-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">3<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Our blindness is confirmed by <a title=\"Uni of Amsterdam. research results\" href=\"http:\/\/ideas.repec.org\/a\/eee\/jeborg\/v67y2008i1p116-133.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">University of Amsterdam research 2008<\/a>: In this experiment, participants were given a volatile stock market operating on an unknown principle, and they tended to make guesses about the price changes either by herding or by the \"I hope I get lucky\" principle.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Most of the time, they didn't guess. <\/strong>Because the future is unpredictable, even though it may sometimes seem otherwise. <a href=\"#footnote-4-4168\" id=\"note-4-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">4<\/a><\/p>\n<h3><em>Second:<\/em> If you don't know what to expect, you ruin the joy of the experience.<\/h3>\n<p>Hoping for a big prize at the end of the trip only spoils the only chance to experience the trip while it's still happening. Haven't you noticed?<\/p>\n<p>It is very easy to spoil a film session by reading about the ending beforehand. It's easy to plan what you're going to do when you get back and not see what's unfolding around you now. It's easy to talk to a guy or a girl and expect him or her to be the love of your life, but to miss out on the very fun of a new acquaintance... <a href=\"#footnote-5-4168\" id=\"note-5-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">5<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Trying to coordinate the future according to what you want will keep you from noticing what is happening around you right now.<\/p>\n<p>It's like going to a fancy restaurant for an ice cream, but dreaming of a bed at home while you eat it. That way, you won't enjoy either the ice cream or the bed. Like a Buridan's donkey amongst a pile of straw. <a href=\"#footnote-6-4168\" id=\"note-6-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">6<\/a><\/p>\n<p>...You don't want to be an ass, do you? \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<h2>Then how can we throw away these hopes and feel the joy of our lives?<\/h2>\n<p>When fantasy and reality collide, it causes stress, anger and a wish for a different world. But the world doesn't care much about your wishes. <a href=\"#footnote-7-4168\" id=\"note-7-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">7<\/a> And even if you really want and believe <a href=\"http:\/\/www.lksb.lt\/straipsniai\/straipsnis-619.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">you can't change the world with hope<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\"So what do we do then?\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>The solution is simple: <\/strong>Imagine that you are holding in your hand everything you expect from the world around you, from yourself, from your family and from strangers...<\/p>\n<p><strong>And take a deep breath and throw it in the bin. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Because that's the way to deal with worthless rubbish.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, you can do this exercise not only in your mind. For example, write down on a piece of paper what you expect from your spouse, your exam day, your career or your birthday... And once you've written it down, throw it in the rubbish bin too.<\/p>\n<p>It may seem a bit silly, but I suggest you try it for yourself. Writing down your thoughts and throwing them away helps you get rid of them. <a href=\"#footnote-8-4168\" id=\"note-8-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">8<\/a> And this is not a blind promise - it has been observed and <a title=\"Research by Richard Petty\" href=\"http:\/\/www.medicalnewstoday.com\/articles\/253396.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">In 2012, studies conducted by the Aut\u00f3noma University of Madrid<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>...And even more so - two years ago I tried it myself. \ud83d\ude42<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When I was sorting out my old papers with my useless plans, I was nervous that half of them didn't come true... <a href=\"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/nebaigti-darbai\/\">And after spitting, I threw it in the dustbin.<\/a> After a moment, an hour, I started to feel happier.<\/p>\n<p>The world around you is not going to change just because you want it to. But you can change your attitude so that the world's ills don't bother you.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\"If you don't expect anything from the environment, you'll never be let down.\"<\/p>\n<p>Sylvia Plath, poet<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>You can live in a fantasy world and be nervous every time it shatters. Or you can expect nothing, relax and be in the here and now.<\/p>\n<p>Being on the road. To be happy.<\/p>\n<p>Expecting nothing, <a href=\"#footnote-9-4168\" id=\"note-9-4168\" class=\"footnote-link\">9<\/a><\/p>\n<div id=\"parasas\" class=\"\"><svg viewbox=\"0 0 900 189\" width=\"200\">\n        <path class=\"d-1\" d=\"M67 50L5 172\"\/>\n        <path class=\"d-2\" d=\"M19 152c7 8 30 33 59 32 41-1 76-46 80-100 2-22-6-77-42-79C61 2-1 54 46 76\"\/>\n        <path class=\"a\" d=\"M204 126.9c1.4-6-1-23.7-8.8-23.3-33.2 1-44 50-31 54 11 3 22-10 36-25 2-3 14 9 25 10\"\/>\n        <path class=\"nie\" d=\"M211 157c45-44 65-58 70-54 6 5-16 42-12 45 6 4 47-55 57-49 7 4-7 34 4 47 8 11 20 7 28 1 18-14 28-28 27-22s-5 38 46 16c21-9 22-29 13-36-3-2-16 6-16 16-1 18 14 29 37 28\"\/>\n        <path class=\"t-1\" d=\"M387 80a1 1 0 1 0 2 0 1 1 0 1 0-2 0\"\/>\n        <path class=\"liu\" d=\"M444 184C549 88 546 23 536 23c-19 0-57 74-57 122 0 4 5 13 13 16 5 3 11 2 16 1 6-1 11-6 17-10l39-32c0 6-2 8-3 14-2 7-2 10 1 14l5 4c6 3 14 1 20-1 17-7 26-19 44-29 3-1 8-4 12-2l5 6c4 11 1 16 4 22s13 10 20 8 12-9 13-14l4-13 3-5 6-4 13-5c3-1 6-3 10-8\"\/>\n        <path class=\"t-2\" d=\"M576 85a1 1 0 1 0 2 0 1 1 0 1 0-2 0\"\/>\n        <path class=\"s-1\" d=\"M720 142c8 2 27 3 35-3 6-4-18-36-22-32-3 4-6 19-30 65\"\/>\n        <path class=\"s-2\" d=\"M756 140c4-1 9-4 12-8\"\/><\/svg>\n    <\/div>\n    <noscript><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/wp-content\/themes\/debesyla-uzrasai-child\/inc\/img\/fallback-parasas.png\" alt=\"Daniel\" style=\"top: -2.5em; position: relative;\"><\/noscript>\n<div class=\"footnotes\"><hr \/><ol><li id=\"footnote-1-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>He taught me probability maths and statistics. He was a strange lecturer, telling us in the first lecture about our incredible mathematical journey ahead, but full of interesting, new knowledge.<\/p>\n<p>Did you know that he tried to stop the @ sign being pronounced as \"eta\" and keep the original English \"at\"? I respect him for that alone, because the @ stands for 'at'.<a href=\"#note-1-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-1.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-2-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>Entrepreneurs whose job it is to live in a world of hopes and ideas.<a href=\"#note-2-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-2.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-3-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>Except for the millionaire fools and novice investors. Some of them are 100% convinced of the profitability of their companies and ideas. To what extent this works, you may remember or ask your parents about the entrepreneurs of the first decade of independence.<a href=\"#note-3-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-3.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-4-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>Do you believe that a week later you'll still go grocery shopping? Well, unless you get crushed in a pedestrian crossing. And if you don't catch a virus. And if...<\/p>\n<p>Yes, it's scary for me too. But that's the way the world works - we don't know what will happen in the future. Unless you are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodreads.com\/book\/show\/13266689-fondas\">Isaac Asimov \"The Foundation\"<\/a> book character. \ud83d\ude09<a href=\"#note-4-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-4.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-5-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>Or awfulness. In a new relationship, two troubles pass: <strong>1) <\/strong>It's too scary to make a mistake and <strong>2) <\/strong>It's too boring because there is no room for error. After these two stages, only the most suitable couples remain.<a href=\"#note-5-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-5.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-6-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>I would have liked to tell you more, but the story is just that simple: the donkey took so long to choose which way to go to the straw that he simply starved to death. The Lithuanian equivalent of the fable would probably be hunting two birds with one stone, or looking for a free parking space in the centre of Vilnius.<a href=\"#note-6-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-6.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-7-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>Unless you're a small baby and very <del>annoyingly<\/del> crying out loud. Bveeeee, pay attention or I'll drive you crazy. *cries and then laughs maniacally*<a href=\"#note-7-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-7.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-8-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>Even if it's written down and thrown away on a computer.<a href=\"#note-8-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-8.footnote--><li id=\"footnote-9-4168\" class=\"footnote\"><p>Here, at this moment, I could expect you to leave a comment under the article. And then I could worry, fear, check every few days to see if anyone has written. But better <a href=\"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/dejau\/\">I'll put<\/a> and I won't expect anything. Here's hoping!<a href=\"#note-9-4168\" class=\"footnote-return\">&#8617;<\/a><\/p><\/li><!--\/#footnote-9.footnote--><\/ol><\/div><!--\/#footnotes-->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you noticed how much stress, anger and frustration are born from seemingly small things? Such little nothings? I noticed. And I believe that those negative emotions are caused by our hopes. After all, we expect new things every day: How a loved one will evaluate gifts, How we will be evaluated in exams or at work, How many &quot;likes&quot; a new photo will receive on Facebook, What should be the weather for tomorrow&#039;s trip [...]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[53,49],"class_list":{"0":"post-4168","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-pamastymai","8":"tag-laime","9":"tag-produktyvumas"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4168","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4168"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4168\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4168"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4168"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}