{"id":2651,"date":"2017-06-07T18:11:15","date_gmt":"2017-06-07T15:11:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/danieliusg.lt\/?p=2651"},"modified":"2021-10-02T01:02:59","modified_gmt":"2021-10-01T22:02:59","slug":"ar-mane-isimylejai","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/debesyla.lt\/uzrasai\/en\/2017\/ar-me-neighbours\/","title":{"rendered":"did you fall in love with me"},"content":{"rendered":"

Goal of the day: 1111 words<\/a>. Written: 472<\/b>.<\/p>\n

\"Are you in love with me?\"<\/span><\/p>\n

\"I don't know. I'm not sure.\"<\/p>\n

I look into your eyes. They are watching me, and your eyebrows are slightly moving and slightly rising. Your bottom lip opens slightly, as if you want to say something immediately.<\/p>\n

\"I don't understand. I like you. You're cool, funny and beautiful. Sometimes when I look at you I think I'm in love with you, but I'm not sure...\"<\/p>\n

I lean back on the stool and rest my back against the wall. I glance down to my left, as if looking for a lost explanation. I sigh.<\/p>\n

\"Sometimes when I masturbate, I think about you.\"<\/p>\n

Your eyes widen. But still silent. I see your fingers move to the rolling tobacco tray - a sign that you want to smoke - but you don't do anything further, so I don't let myself stop and I carry on.<\/p>\n

\"Your shapes then excite me and...\"<\/p>\n

I smile, embarrassed.<\/p>\n

\"...Well, you know how it works. In a word.\"<\/p>\n

I am silent for a moment, looking for what to say next.<\/p>\n

\"But I still can't say it's love. Well, or any greater admiration at all. With other girls, like Eleonora, whom I met last November, it was different - then my blood boiled and I rushed to her, I lost my mind, my feelings, my self-control, I had to\", - I clench my fists imaginatively, stand up from the stool and start walking around the kitchen in empathy, - \"be with her. And I was. Then I lost my mind!\"<\/p>\n

I lean my butt on the countertop above the cupboards. I look into your eyes.<\/p>\n

\"I don't feel it with you. Well, you're attractive. You're pretty. And I feel that stirring in my heart - that desire to spend time together, as we do now or on the trip to Saint Lucia and back. And I enjoy being with you, corresponding with you, talking to you.\"<\/p>\n

I turn around, open the cabinet upstairs and reach down and pick up an empty glass. Somehow I got exhausted. I look at you after picking up the glass. Your coffee cup is already empty, but I'll ask you about that later, I'm still on the subject.<\/p>\n

\"And I consider you my friend. But maybe not just a friend. I don't understand.\"<\/p>\n

I turn back to the cupboards and, reaching for the water tap, put the glass under the water.<\/p>\n

\"So do you still feel that you are in love with me?\"<\/p>\n

You do, however, pick up a case of rolling tobacco and open it. Immediately you start the ritual again - a piece of paper, a filter, tobacco, twist, lick, seal, invite you to go outside to smoke.<\/p>\n

I turn off the tap, raise the glass to my lips and take a small sip. I look at you from eye to toe and back again.<\/p>\n

\"I don't know. And I can't fall in love, technically. At the moment, my year without love is a challenge. And I respect challenges, they are the most important part of life for me - it's the only reason I live, really.\"<\/p>\n

I look left and down again. I put the glass on the counter.<\/p>\n

\"I don't know, maybe you could call it platonic love? Or something like that? Or maybe real love? Maybe a really good relationship based on the fact that I see you first as a good friend, a soul that completes me? ...Not a piece of meat with a vertical space between its legs?\"<\/p>\n

I smile. Then I laugh briefly - probably at the stress and the ugly comparisons.<\/p>\n

You smile too, and stand up, picking up a rolled cigarette and your blue lighter.<\/p>\n

\"Come on, while I smoke, you can tell me more.\"<\/p>\n

I smile, nod and follow you. Before crossing the threshold of the house, you turn around and ask:<\/p>\n

\"What about your first love? Laima, you said? How did it start?\"<\/p>\n

\/\/ 28 May, Almost halfway through the Year Without Love challenge.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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